Full confession:: up until very recently, I had very (VERY) little patience for “self love”. Now before you call the ICF and have them revoke my hard-earned coaching certification status, hear me out.
“Self love” has always conjured images of shushed tones, whale music, wheat germ, and insipid teas. For ME. I’m not entirely sure where that came from, but I knew there was nothing here that was overtly appealing. Except for how virtuous I imagined I’d feel after spending a day eating wheat germ, drinking tea, listening to whale music and zoning out. That is, if I managed to not stab myself in the eyeballs before the day was through.
I totally, completely, respectfully GOT that those may well be practices that nurtured and supported others, but they were unequivocally NOT. FOR. ME.
So, I set out to understand the principle that I could inherently wrap my head around:: the kinder you are with yourself, the kinder you are with the world around you. And then I got all investigative reporter-like about self love means, FOR ME.
And I started to dig in deeply to understand my values.
And then I started to ask myself what I needed, then wanted.
And then I started to listen to the answer.
And then I started to respond with intention and commitment.
My self love practice is a daily inquiry:: What do I need today? What do I want today?
The Monday morning after I wrapped up the first cohort of my Step into Your Starring Role program, I was uncharacteristically tired, a little sad, wistful and scattered. The plan that I had mapped out on the previous Friday afternoon for the week ahead looked foreign, fraught with “shoulds” and completely uninspired.
What do I need today? What do I want today?
Sweat, prayer and play was the answer. And continued to be the answer for the balance of the week.
I switched some appointments around and spent the week at hot yoga, or immersed in my journal, or baking cakes or stuffing loot bags for my Kid’s birthday party. Joyfully and gratefully accepting the lavish and extravagant love that I was showing myself.
And I must say, when I am loving up on myself, I am pretty awesome to be around.
The Self Love Revolution: Prep School
So that, in part, is how I devotionally show myself love. By committing to asking, listening and responding. That’s MY WAY.
Amy Smith + Andrew Owen are two powerhouse coaches devoted to helping you find YOUR WAY into self love. (This I know…I was in a Mastermind group with them a couple of years ago and I continue to benefit from their brand of no BS, love-fueled moxy). And I’m thrilled that they’ve invited me to participate in their love-child, The Self Love Revolution: Prep School, along with experts Susan Hyatt, Fabeku Fatunmise, Michelle Ward, Molly Mahar, Mara Glatzel, Isabel Foxen Duke, Jeanna Gabelinni, Lisa Steadman, and Amy Pearson. For two weeks, starting May 6th, you can get a short, content-packed video into your inbox every day. Practical tools, advice and tools to help you show YOU some love. Gorgeous.
If you haven’t already, click here to sign yourself up. My video about finding your Brand of Joy will land in your inbox on May 14th. Hope you love it!
Be careful what you wish for…you may get EXACTLY what you’ve asked for. No more, no less.
A story:
As long as my husband and I have been together and talking about building a life and family as one, we were always going to have a little girl named Lauren. There was no other name for her. Lauren or bust. She would be funny. She would be compassionate. She would be creative. She would have great hair and an even greater heart. Oh sure, we’d probably have another one. But our nights were spent dreaming and whispering about our Lauren. Magical, sweet girl.
Another story:
It was 2004. I was nursing said magical, sweet girl and reading a parenting magazine. I came across an article about Jennifer Torres, the beautiful entrepreneur behind Salsa Babies. She was quoted as saying she built her business with the intention of making the same amount as she did on her maternity benefits (called EI here in Canada). No more, no less.
At that time, my husband and I had sucked in the belly fat that was our budget and were managing to get by just fine, thank you very much, on his income and my EI benefits. YES, YES, YES, I thought as I sniffed the head of my honeysuckle-scented child. That was EXACTLY what I wanted: not an empire, just a business that I can run from home with my babe-in-arms that will cover what I was currently making on benefits. And maybe enough to cover the “incidental thousand” as my friend Krista says. I declared it that night to my husband.
I am incredibly blessed. I will repeat that. I am incredibly blessed:
• I have my one dreamy Lauren.
• I hit the desired revenue amount in my business within a year and a half of putting out my shingle.
There is not a single day that the joy of my child and the joy of my business don’t make a cameo in my gratitude journal. No. That feels too glib.There is not a single day that I do not thank the deity I call God for the gift of my daughter, my business and my life.Better.
Powerful stuff, this intention-setting.
And:
• It’s likely that there will be no more sweet, magical children.
• It took me a very very long time thereafter to surpass the EI + $1000 revenue amount in my business.
Powerful stuff, this intention-setting.
See where I’m going here?
I was super specific about the order that I placed. I forgot to leave room for ordering dessert. Besides, isn’t it greedy to ask for more?
Nope.
Yeah, I know “more” is a four-letter word. But so is love, hope and cash. You’re allowed to ask for more. You always have been and you always will be.
As the title of this post suggests, today IS End Sex Trafficking Day. Can you believe there even needs to be a day dedicated to this? That such horror exists?
It does.
Women and children are bought and sold every 30 seconds around the world.
How many ways can we say: unacceptable?
When Erin Giles reached out to me in the spring to tell me about End Sex Trafficking Day and her desire to curate a book to help end this madness, about the project, I was an immediate and effusive, YES.
Buy a copy of End Sex Trafficking for $20 — a collection of 60 essays on love, knowledge + freedom by trailblazers like Seth Godin, Danielle La Porte, Jonathan Fields and yours truly (I wrote about love: “The Wisdom of the Beaten Heart”) — and all of the authors proceeds goes to the Not For Sale Campaign an organization fighting to abolish slavery every single day.
None of the essay contributors, the publisher or the editor is taking any money from sales. It’s not just a book, it’s a chance to change the world.
More than 27 million human beings are enslaved in the world in 2012. So — you want to stand up for freedom…today?
Created by Tanya on June 22, 2012 | Categories: Inspiring People
Probably like you, I am feeling a bit yeeeeeeeks lately. At times gorgeous, at times complicated and at times scary things are happening in my life and business right about now.
Some of these things I have chosen, some things I have not. Such is life. Beautiful, confounding, thrilling, expansive life.
So, I’ve been hanging out in my head a fair bit, breathing shallowly and TENDING to the challenges. To wit: I have a new routine of heading out the door in my running shoes at 5:45 am with an issue in my mind that I want to sort out. I can only return once it’s resolved (which seems to happen, as if by magic, at the one-hour mark).
This morning, I took my current “issue” on my walk/run: a pickle in my business that has been causing knots in my shoulders. There’s a decision that needs to be made and it’s hot ‘n bothered.
And. I. Just. Couldn’t. Focus. My heart kept wanting some air time. So I slowed my pace to a walk…and listened.
And this was the refrain I heard:
“Do not breathe simply to exist.”
I knew these weren’t my words. And while I was curious about who had penned them, (Deepak? Danielle?), I allowed that to dissolve as I spent the rest of the walk integrating their meaning in every step. In every breath.
The moment I got home, I googled the words. The author was Mattie J.T. Stepanek, the 14-year old philosopher, poet and advocate for peace who left us 8 years ago…on June 22nd.
Huh.
I know OF Mattie, or, the headlines at least: friend of Oprah’s, inspiring wee soul whose depth and wisdom impacted millions through his books of poetry. I knew that he had spent his short life in acute pain (due to a rare form of muscular dystrophy) AND in the decision to live life fully and joyfully.
I didn’t know that he began creating and sharing “Heartsongs” at the young age of 3 to process the grief he felt from losing his older brother to the disease that afflicted him (and his two other siblings who died as well). Or that Heartsongs are “gifts that reflect each person’s unique reason for being.” Or that each of his five books were NYT bestsellers (plus the 2 published posthumously). Or that countless programs, parks and foundations have been dedicated to his crusade for peace.
I didn’t know that he wrote:
We all have life storms. Times in our lives that are extremely sad, scary, angry. And instead of just suffering through them, and then afterwards just sitting, crying and waiting to be wiped out by the next one, we should celebrate together that we got through. And when the next one comes along, work through and pull through and celebrate again.
Or
Sad things happen. They do. But we don’t need to live sad forever.
Or
Even though the future seems far away, it is actually beginning right now.
Or
Unity is strength… when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved.
Or
Peace is possible…it can begin simply over a game of chess and a cup of tea.
And from this place, guess what happened to that work decision that had my shoulder in knots? Part of it resolved and the other part dissolved. Turns out it wasn’t such a pickle after all.
Breathing deeper – the heart knows the way. It always does.
+++++++
PS – If you haven’t already, do zip on over and download The Joy Pages. You’ll discover which of your values are hotlinked to YOUR joy…so you can fill up whenever you’re feeling a quart low.
At a young age, we are told to hope for the best and expect the worst. The intent is to help insulate us from the sting of assured defeat.
I get it. I just don’t like it. The logic is faulty and skewed.
You can expect the best AND the worst. Any way you slice it, there will be learnings, and there will be growth. Some things you can plan for and others you simply can’t.
Expecting the best: How do you want to feel?
How do you want to be when the launch, the presentation, the event, the pitch is over? When the curtain’s called (and it will be soon enough…too soon, in fact), what’s your ideal way to feel?
I suspect you want it all to go smoothly, to be sure, but I reckon you’re also deepening into the qualities of accomplishment, pleasure, and recognition that you desire for the outcome, right?
Expecting the worst: What if the worst DOES happen?
Oh yes. Technology can fail. SNAFUs can abound. Dogs can eat homework.
The reality is this:
There will be times when the mic doesn’t work. Speak louder.{Your people will quiet down to hear your words.}
There will be times when the clients can’t make it to the party. Invite your nearest and dearest and feast on the dip.{You’ve been needing this time together.}
There will be times when the conference call lines fail. You’ll figure out the workaround. {Your capacity for resourcefulness knows no bounds.}
There will be times when the clients dry up. Use this space to get clear about who you deeply desire to work with. {You know it’s time.}
There will be days when the phone simply won’t ring. In this quiet place, create.{You’ve been craving time to write.}
There will be times when you miss the plane. Use the time to count your blessings.{There are many.}
There are times when it will be hard. Don’t give up.{Don’t you dare ever give up.}
There will be times when the CD player skips. Keep dancing.{They will sing for you.}
Here’s the proof as evinced by two of my favourite little girls. (Warning: you may want to turn the volume down…this shaky-handed Mama was giggly as she butchered Taio Cruz…and apparently mispronounces “dynOmite”.)
When it was all over, these two little marvels ended up feeling exactly as they wanted to: like the Super Stars they are.
Keep showing up. Like only you can. When you do, the world will reward you with song. Warbly song, perhaps. But song just the same.
Of all the unfathomable atrocities that I try not to think about, human slavery and the sale of women and children around the world as sex slaves ranks just about as high as possible. Thankfully, not everyone is as ostrich-like as I.
She’s creating a book by assembling sixty writers (think: Seth Godin, Danielle LaPorte, Dyana Valentine, Pam Slim, Mark Silver, Tara Sophia Mohr and ME) to contribute essays about love, freedom + knowledge. (I weighed in on love).
Every dollar raised in the sale of this book of love will go directly to the Not For Sale Campaign.
This book, in Erin’s words, will set people free.
I believe it.
She’s launched a 30-day giving campaign to raise the funds necessary to get this book printed. She’s made a good dent in her $10,000 target, and has a ways to go yet.
I’ve given. And there’s still more for me to give.
I’ve created a coaching offer for 5 people who want to give too. AND to end something in their own lives and worlds.
The “What wants to end?” Session
Make a $100 donation and get a one-hour Skype/ Phone session with me. In that time, we’ll laser in on what in your life is in the way of your glorious path. And end its reign.
Just came up with this so there’s no fancy sales page. But here’s how it will work:
Created by Tanya on February 19, 2012 | Categories: Inspiring People
(I’m delighted to have been asked to write about Values for a blog series put together by Molly Mahar of Stratejoy. She’s organized a blog crawl + Treasure Hunt where 26 writers I admire are blogging about self-love. Please be sure to go check their posts out.)
I say “delighted” in the intro above because I truly was. And then, I became overwhelmed. Surprisingly quickly.
See, as juicy as values are, they are so foundational to self-love that it’s almost impossible for me to uncollapse the two. And values form the most basic level of the work I get to do as a coach. I could write a book about values. Two books. Maybe three. And self love? Yikes…don’t even get me started.
But I have just one blog post to write.
So, as I do when I feel overwhelmed, I went rooting through the closet of my values to see which one could help me out of this pickle.
There it was: simplicity.
(Knowing your values allows you to cut through the vines of your thought with machete-like discernment.)
And it really is JUST this simple: to know you IS to love you.
It’s rare that you can love that which you do not know.
So, let’s get to know you.
Spelunking for Values
Values, by the way, aren’t necessarily what you VALUE. Nor are they necessarily morals, ethics, or principles.
To be sure, when you are living from your values, there is a sense of “rightness” for YOU, but that’s not to say that values are intrinsically virtuous.
They are your own unique thumbprint of who you are. At your core. From the inside out.
Now, that innate “rightness” (also known as “resonance”) is a pretty powerful metric in learning what your values are. You can uncover some of your core values by thinking back to a time when you felt at your best. Like everything was right with the world and time could stand still. Conjure that moment and jot down what was going on, who was there, how you were feeling. That’s called “Peak Experience” and it’s a doozy for getting clarity.
Also notice what you’re always insisting upon, who you admire, and what makes you crazy (the flip of that emotion is likely a value).
At this point, you’ve got yourself a pretty robust sense of what makes you tick.
In the spirit of Molly’s ABCs, here are some values that my clients tend to own (this list is by no means exhaustive…nor is it a shopping list from which to load up your cart).
A – Adventure, authenticity, achievement
B – Beauty, bodaciousness
C – compassion, caring, community, connection, congregation, creativity, courage
D – Determination, duty, delight, diversity, discovery
E – Ease, excitement, energy, elation, efficiency, excellence, equality
F – Fun, freedom, flow, faith
G – Generosity, gratitude
H – Health, happiness, hope, humility, honesty
I – Innovation, intimacy, independence, integrity
J – Joy, justice
K – Kindness, knowledge
L – Love, luminosity, leadership, luxury
M – Mastery, meaning
N – Nature
O – Optimism
P – Power, peace, pleasure, performance
Q – Questioning, quality, quiet
R – Resourcefulness, respect, responsibility
S – Sharing, sensuality, success, simplicity
T – Trust, truth, transparency
U – Understanding, unity
V – Vision
W – Worthiness, wholeness, wisdom
X – Excitement (erm…)
Y – Yummy factor
Z – Zen, zest
See which ones show up in your work, and claim them as your own.
Rating your Values
Now that you have your list of say, 10 or 15 top values, rate each of your values on a scale of 1-10. How alive and well is that value in your life right now (one being the lowest and ten being the highest).
Given that you are human and have a pulse, Imma gonna guess that some values are rated pretty high and some have been taking a beating of late. And, if you feel any discontent in your life right now, it will become pretty clear why when you see which values have been ignored.
Let me be clear. This is not about you doing something wrong. Living fully from your values isn’t always comfortable. Just ask anyone with a core value of authenticity. Often, they must make choices to honour that value at the risk of saying some hard truths.
But selling out on your values is the quickest way to selling out on your self. A most inelegant act of self-loathing.
And we’re about self-love, right?
Onward.
Action
If you’ve identified that some of your top values have been a bit unloved as of late, make note of which ones need the attention and make a plan of action.
Also notice that you’re always moving towards, or away from a value.
Say you decide that you need ramp up the yummy factor in your life (a common value my clients are desiring more of) you can ask in a moment:
“Will this decision move me towards or away from the yummy factor?”
Or if you’ve identified that you’re missing ease, ask yourself:
“How can this (task, project, decision) be easier?”
Electric truth in the form of elegant simplicity.
Now, tap into that creative value of yours. What actions can you take to shine the love on your value of beauty, freedom, adventure, gratitude, pleasure?
Beauty? Adorn your night table with trinkets of gorgeousness. Freedom? Commit to clearing a day for white space, by lovingly saying no to dissonant obligations. Adventure? Lose the city map and go for a stroll in a new part of town. Gratitude? Journal your gifts. Pleasure? Well, I’ll leave that one up to you.
Love up those values but good. And in doing so, you’re loving yourself up.
“Where creativity and wisdom make out on top of your problem.”
Okay. That is some good, good copy. It’s not mine, it’s Matthew Stillman’s. You’ve heard of him…he’s the guy that hangs out in NYC’s Union Square and offers creative approaches to what people have been thinking about. You know…their PROBLEMS (so what if the word “problem” is taboo in the magical world of self-discovery).
“Stirring what is stagnant within you”
“The art of the reframe with the science of the wise”
Seriously. I can’t stop. It’s all just too good.
You should also know this from his site:
Matt conceived of, wrote the treatment for and co-produced a feature length documentary film about the origins of poverty and why it persists in a world with so much wealth. His film, called “The End of Poverty?” premiered at the Cannes Film Festival and was featured in over 40 festivals around the world. Matt has spoken at the United Nations about the film and poverty four times as well as many other educational and socio-political forums.
Currently Matt is developing a study to radically transform the property tax system in New York City.
Not just another guy “de-problemizing through high weirdness” in Union Square and a really green wall in his apartment. Nope, he’s an original, to be sure. And a truly generous person.
So there was NO WAY I could continue talking to people about their things without talking to Matthew about his. And, of course, yours.
Interview with Matthew Stillman for Thing Finding Thursday
Look for the gaps, note the aversions, stay in some uncomfortable places, and play with the purpose of play.
Oh yes.
Tweetworthy StillmanSays-isms (for your sharing pleasure
You need to be willing to stay in some sort of uncomfortable spots and see what opens up there. @StillmanSays http://ow.ly/8PjhN #TFThurs
(When we’re young) our radiance goes out in 360 degrees. @StillmanSays to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8PjhN #TFThurs
(As we age, we feel loss b/c) we’ve lost access to three quarters of our being. @StillmanSays to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8PjhN #TFThurs
The game being infinite is more important than winning a particular game. @StillmanSays to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8PjhN #TFThurs
Be kind to yourself. You’ve done so much work already. @StillmanSays to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8PjhN #TFThurs
Transcript of edited interview (for your reading pleasure)
Matthew: Well, one of my things–the thing that people who are online probably know about me most–is my website, stillmansays.com. And that is an experiment that I’ve started which I’ve turned into a business, which is a report of my time spent sitting out in Union Square in New York City, where I live.
At Union Square, I sit with two folding chairs and a table, with a sign that says “Creative approaches to what you’ve been thinking about” and a smaller sign that says, “Pay what you like or take what you need.” I sit out there for 10 hours a day or so, a couple of days a week, when the weather is appropriate, and just talk with strangers about anything at all that they need a creative approach to.
And it’s been everything from as simple as “I need a name for my novel,” or “I have a relationship problem,” or “something going on with my business,” to “I need help finding my spirit animal,” or “I have a dispute with a neighbour,” or “I need to find a new religion,” or “I need help avoiding getting murdered.” It could be anything at all, and I hopefully help people look at the situation they’re in in a very creative way.
Matthew: And then, seeing it differently, it may be figured out. It might not be figured out. Or it might just be seen in its proper or different perspective, which allows you to have a different relationship with it. You know, so often we think that the only way to get into a house is through the front door; but sometimes it’s the back door. Sometimes it’s through a window. Sometimes you need to dig a hole underneath the house and crawl up through the floorboards.
Tanya: “De-problemizing through high weirdness,” this is from your site, this is what you do–I was totally gob-smacked by the genius of that.
How do you go from the time, the opportunity, people say you’re really good at de-problemizing through high weirdness, and then you just sort of say, “Yeah, you know what? Union Square: What it’s really missing is a desk, and two chairs, and these two signs. And me!
Matthew: Well, I guess that’s part of my charm, that I was willing to say, “This is the thing that’s missing.” I didn’t know that it was going to turn into a blog or a years-long experiment. I thought I was going to just do it! But on the first day I went out there, it just worked. And it was very clear I could keep doing this.
Tanya: Right, right, okay. Your last post, or the most recent one that I read, is–I’ve forgotten the title now.
Tanya: I’m really in love with this idea of lost or forgotten voices, and in the realm of thing-finding, I really think that there’s something magical and beautiful about listening for those lost or forgotten voices.
Matthew: When we are children, and when we’re born, we are treasured by and large for all our qualities. People love us for our selfishness, they love us for our screaming. So all our voices, for a time, are available to us. And for lack of a better analogy, they go out in 360 degrees. Our radiance goes out in 360 degrees.
And after a certain amount of time, we’re told by our parents, and our caretakers, and society, “You know, we love you, but it really would be helpful if you were a little less selfish, you shared more, you were quieter, you were–” and it’s not done out of malice, it’s done out of sort of getting you into a system which can really be useful. But we start to close down and put into a bag the other voices that we have, because they’re not appreciated or heard. They’re too different.
And so, I’m making up a number, but let’s say you’re 10, 12, 14, 16, 20–you have practice putting three quarters of yourself into a bag behind you, and we don’t listen to those voices any more, because it makes our life too complex to listen to these other voices. And similarly, because we have to make so many choices every day, we streamline ourselves to say, “You know what? It’s easiest if I just listen to these particular voices. I’ve got to get to particular outcomes faster.” And because the world that we live in requires speed and efficiency, we move along with that, and say, “You know what? I’m just going to listen to the voices that are easiest, and get me to the place that I want to be and feel comfortable and safe in.”
And then, we have cut ourselves off from three quarters of our being, because there is 90 degrees which is presentable and useful, and the rest of it is not appreciated. So that leaves us feeling, later in our lives, “Why do I feel vacant? Why do I feel closed off? Why do I feel like the same things are happening?” Because we’ve lost access to three quarters of our being.
Tanya: I’ve got a seven year old daughter, and she was super proud of an award she came home with, she was awarded in front of the whole school; it was an empathy award. And about a week later, I was talking with her teacher and he said, “It was great to see her so proud of that award. You know, she’s a bit too sensitive, though.”
Matthew: Ugh!
Matthew: Yeah. I mean, for me, the fact that he said that to a girl in particular. You know, more broadly speaking, so many women are essentially forced to harden themselves and to cast aside some of the core elements of their femininity early. And I’ve seen too many girls sacrificed on the altar of progress and forward movement and they lose all their softness, or enough of it that they just become something different.
Matthew: You just want to be able to open the door, to say, “Here’s A voice.” And see if—if you’ve been carrying around a bag with three quarters of your identity for thirty-plus years, it might be terrifying to look it there, because if you were dragged in a bag for thirty years, you’d be furious! So it is, often, scary to look at those voices. I might say, it’s worth looking at the things that you have a very strong aversion to, and just see what your philosophies are about that, and see if that’s a part that you have a need to tap into.
Tanya: Love love love that you’ve said that. I’m big on aversions in the work that I do, too, so thank you for highlighting that
Tanya: Do people ever show up and say, “Dude, what’s my thing? Like, what’s my thing?”
Matthew: Yeah. I think the most direct question I ever got for that, that I can recall at this moment, is someone who came to me and said, “I’ve just quit my religion and I need to find a new religion.” So that’s sort of, “What’s my thing?”
But I think the thing of “finding your thing” is to not be afraid to lift every stone and to stay there. Because finding your thing is good, and important, but you’re not just one thing. You are—it’s more important for you to be whole than to find your thing. Because your thing might be really big.
As an infant, you take absolute delight in playing with your toes, and absolute delight with throwing food, and absolute delight with falling asleep, and hugging your parent’s leg and hugging a fire hydrant are the same thing. So I wouldn’t close the door to finding your thing, you just need to be willing to stay in some sort of uncomfortable spots and see what opens up there.
Tanya: There’s a way in which we have this be very serious, where does curiosity and play factor in?
Matthew: In terms of play, there are two types of games that one can play. There’s a finite game, and there’s an infinite game.
Finite games are played to be won. They’re played within fixed boundaries, and they’re played for a title, they’re bounded by time and location.
But if you’ve ever seen people who just love to play basketball, or if you see kids play basketball—they’ll run off the court, the score ends up being 117 to 4, no one cares. They’re playing for the sake of playing. It’s more important to keep the game moving than anyone winning.
So in terms of play, I think it’s very important to not be playing for title, or for winning, or for status, but to be playing for the sake of play. And there is where there is freedom. And in order to do that, you need curiosity. And it’s important to people to know what the rules are, too. That’s perfectly reasonable! But, ultimately, the game being infinite is more important than winning a particular game.
Tanya: And, through that, that’s where we find our toes.
Tanya: For the people who are trying to find their things: What do you want for them?
Matthew: To forgive themselves for not having found it. To criticize themselves less for struggling. And to be kind, because they’ve done so much work already. I think those are probably the most important things to start with.
_______________
Compassion, wisdom, quirkiness, and a truly delightful human being.
We all have dreams. Luxe dreams. Travel dreams. Book dreams. Stage dreams. Restaurant dreams. Peace dreams. Adventure dreams. Love dreams. Foo Fighter dreams. Freedom dreams. NYC dreams. Heal the world dreams. Glossy magazine dreams. Circumnavigating the globe on your own at 16 dreams.
Yup. We all have them. They may look different, but they all come from the same place. The heart.
And I happen to have it on good authority (aka Twitter) that 2012 – The Year of the Water Dragon – will be a good year for dreams coming to life.
Cool.
While I don’t doubt the power and tenacity of a Dragon (really, that would be a foolish thing to do), let’s consider giving the Dragon a hand and getting our dreams off the ground, shall we?
Loving the leaps.
1. Get clear on what you want to do.And why. Because a “what” without a “why” is a “just because” or a “should”. And just becauses and shoulds won’t get you where you want to go. Fact.
My friend and the artiste behind the savvy + sa-weet design that is my site, Amanda Farough, got over her just becauses and shoulds and to mark the occasion, has just launched HER gorgeous new space. Get on her list (after you’ve taken the tour and drank in her sassy pants post of bigness) for 10 weeks (YUP!) of giveaways. You may win a Clarity Session with me.
2.Know that fear will want to hold you back and keep you small. That’s its one and only job. Review #1 and then answer this question from my friend Tara Sophia Mohr: Are you being more loyal to your fears, or to your dreams? (Registration for Tara’s Playing Big closes Jan 24th at midnight. If you’re keen on amplifying your impact, claiming your place and taming those fears, this may well be the journey for you.)
3.Keep it open, keep it expanded.Shenee Howard is launching Hot Brand Action today…a direct result of stepping into her starring role as writer and teacher. Hell’s YES. Watch the ground come up to meet her in the most glorious way.
4. Get support. Tell your friends, hire a coach (ahem), find a mentor. They’ll bolster you when you need it, keep your intentions set to “shine”. They want you to knock it out of the park. We all do, in fact. Count on it and welcome it in with heart and arms wide open.
5. Launch. Just like that.
C’mon now. Don’t leave it all in the talons of the Water Dragon. Make it happen for your own fine self in 2012.
I’ve been interviewing people for Thing Finding Thursday who have, by and large, FOUND IT. Their THING! (Or, arguably, they are happily ensconced in their Thing For Now as we all know that Things evolve.) Yes, it’s clear what Susannah, Danielle, Chris, Kelly, Pam, Dyana, Jenny, MMM, Tara, Jasmine, Megan, Amy are bringing forward to the world.
Joyfully.
And from the emails I’ve been receiving since this series’ inception, I hear that you’re appreciating the informed wisdom they’re sharing here.
So, “been there” stories are an incredible source of inspiration (and for a fabulous round-up of “been there…gone HERE” stories to rev up your possible-o-meter, go check out Alexandra’s piece.)
But what about the people that are RIGHT HERE, right now? Who know how they want to BE, and maybe not necessarily what to DO?
Sound like anyone you know?
I present one such person, a reader of mine who sweetly raised her hand and said:
I would love to write a guest post. I speak from my own experience of feeling a little inertia, waiting until I had THE answer…until I learned to taste all the flavours, take the cues from my friends and family (and myself) and ultimately making some big changes in my working life.
Friends, please enjoy this guest post by Emma Gwillim.
***
Journaling would be, for me, a great excuse to indulge in my love of stationery (oh the sweet joy of a crisp, new notebook!) but I just don’t seem to have the discipline to get my thoughts down on paper daily. Not in this structured way at least. I am a scribbler though – my creative mind is constantly stirring up new ideas which I write down, along with inspiring quotes and stories I’ve read in books, blogs and, my other obsession, magazines. In looking back over years of dog-eared notebooks, it’s obvious that my thing has come to light by a slow, dawning realisation.
I’m pretty impatient by nature and, if I set my mind to something, I’ll be a woman on a mission – I love a good challenge. And so, finding myself thing-less and a little lost in my early twenties, without knowing what the thing was that I wanted to go after was foreign territory. Uncomfortable at best, sheer panic a worst.
Here I was, working my way up the corporate ladder and earning a good living by giving out 100% of my hard work, energy and professionalism at work, all the while feeling pretty lost and empty on the inside. And without an answer. Terrified at the uncharacteristic prospect of doing nothing, I set to reading all manner of personal development books and inspiring biographies, while the answer still eluded me. What was my thing? The thing would set my heart on fire?
I spent way too long waiting for the answer, waiting for the proverbial light-bulb to go off.
It didn’t.
And I’m embarrassed to say, unsurprisingly, I continued trading my time and energy for a monthly pay-slip in a job that left me cold.
Nothing changed until my mind-set changed.
The wonderful Steve Jobs said “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” I’d been waiting to work out, and logically decide, what my next dot would be and all the while I was in limbo.
It was a distraction in another area of my life, the natural end of a relationship, that was the shake-up for me. That ending became a new beginning of the real Emma: I took a flying lesson, I travelled, I began to learn the Italian language, I cooked foods I loved, I read books that interested me, I socialised with people that made me feel happy …. and almost I forgot about my pursuit of that ‘light-bulb’ moment. I stopped waiting and started moving, it didn’t matter in what direction.
And then it came….not in a blinding flash. Instead I instinctively knew the things that brought a smile to my face and my heart and, the more I indulged in things I was passionate about, the more it seemed to open up the conversation with others. In being willing to give things a go and learn if it was “me” or not, my wonderful family and friends seemed to be given the green light to impart their view, their perception of the real me, and added more colour to the picture that was always before my eyes. Clues to which I’d been scribbling down over the years.
I still don’t believe I’ve got the definitive answer of what I want to do, but I’ve got gutsier about what I want to be. As one of these things is brave, I’m going to bravely share, for the first time, my thing: to love and nurture people to live their best life. It’s a simple as that.
And how exciting! The giddiness of this was that I realised I could be this way in every area of my life – rather than the ‘what to do’ I was searching for in my working life. I can be loving and nurturing with my husband, family and friends. I can be loving and nurturing in my work and hobbies. I can even be loving and nurturing with myself – something that was definitely on the back-burner years ago.
If I could speak to my younger self, here’s what I’d advise:
Your purpose isn’t your work. Your life is. What do you want to stand for? To be remembered for?
Don’t hang onto a ‘someday, one day’ dream. Stop waiting. Get moving. There’s something gutsy about taking the next, courageous step without knowing where it will lead.
Feel it. Let yourself be drawn to all the things that interest, inspire and make you wonder. It’s only by tasting a little of everything that you’ll get to know your favourite flavours.
***
Do you hear the grace in Emma’s words that she knows how she wants to BE even if what to DO is still amorphous (and possibly even temporarily irrelevant)?
I, for one, am excited to witness this bright light along her path. You can too, by following her writing about her journey (and sharing inspiration) at her blog or connecting with her shining self on Twitter.
Tweetworthy Emma-isms (for your sharing pleasure)
Your purpose isn’t your work. Your life is. @akaBasilBe to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8qbny #TFThurs
What do you want to stand for? @akaBasilBe to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8qbny #TFThurs
Stop waiting. Get moving. @akaBasilBe to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8qbny#TFThurs
Let yourself be drawn to all the things that interest, inspire and make you wonder. @akaBasilBe to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8qbny #TFThurs
It’s only by tasting a little of e’thing that u’ll get to know yur fave flavours. @akaBasilBe to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8qbny #TFThurs
------------------------
What's YOUR Thing? If you’re trying to find your thing, then signing up for updates is the thing for you. Get Thing Finding Thursday updates, plus:
Top secret and supershiny notices, events and discounts.
there is 1 comment. step in and shine.