Ever since November 2012, I knew that there would be a moment that my TEDxWomen talk would be available for all to see. And that I’d need to find a way to share it with my corner of the world. That is, YOU. I’d love to say that I was excited, but the reality is, I’ve been a little, well…nervous.

I mean, I KNEW I’d be proud of it…I spent weeks (and weeks) preparing, researching, training, practicing, finessing and getting it under the requisite 18 minutes. And I KNEW the content would be good…I know the Impostor Complex like the back of my hand.

But asking everyone, YOU, to go check out my TEDxWomen talk is just…so…selfish, right?

Me, me, me, me, me.

I’ve started and stopped this very post about 15 times. Each time I approached with this question:: “what huge, massive, COLOSSAL value can I bring to my readers AND STILL let them know that my talk is available for viewing?”…as though the two were mutually exclusive.

So I’m about to take a leap of faith. The huge value of this post IS my talk.

Whoa. Whoa. Whooooooooa.

That seriously just kind of took my breath away. The sheer audacity.

But there it is.

My friends, I know A LOT about the Impostor Complex. So much so, that I am indeed becoming an Authority on the topic.

I’m claiming that.

In my perfectly imperfect talk, I’ve outlined a process that moves us from feeling like an Impostor to feeling like an Authority. I use it with my coaching clients, and in my own life. It’s also the backbone of my Step into Your Starring Role program.

If you ever, EVER struggle with the Impostor Complex, then you WILL get value from watching this talk…because I wrote the talk for you.

And now, I leave it in your loving hands, and will go and celebrate (an ever-important step in the process, you’ll see) by busting my Kid out of after-school care early for an ice cream cone.

Because

I did it. I really, really did it.

And if you want to do it too, you can and will too. ”How do you begin? The answer is simple: you decide to.”  - Anne Lamott

And maybe, just maybe this will guide you::

+++++++++++++

Update::

She had the Moose Tracks, I had the Burgundy Cherry.

Yippee! My first ever TGtv episode!!! Huge love and props go to the fabulous Genna McWhinnie for producing the title slides and super spiffy bumper. And for everyone along the way who has continued to point me in this direction.

The intention behind TGtv is to tackle the issues that have been showing up in my clients’ lives and businesses (holding confidentiality sacrosanct, of course, and AND with their permission). My experience has been that if it shows up repeatedly with my clients, it’s likely showing up with my readers too, and so I wanted to have a place to share with you the tools, methods and ideas that we’ve used to help them move forward. In the hopes that it will do the same for you.

Episode 1: Feedback

Lately, the issue of feedback has been coming up, like, a LOT. So it was the natural first episode (I’m sure I’m going to get my share of feedback on this first attempt, so perhaps I’m just priming the pump, hmm?)

We all know that to get to the next level…whatever that level may be, that we are in a perpetual state of honing, trimming down and refining. And sure, we CAN do it on our own, but what a more efficient path is through feedback. I take a stand for feedback being an ESSENTIAL part of the process. And yet, it really can be a challenge to know how to be with it. And because it’s such a dicey thing, GIVING feedback can be equally uncomfortable. Yet again, an important gift we simply mustn’t hoard.

So, I give you, in the best way I know how, some easy and actionable steps for RECEIVING and GIVING feedback.

Over to you

1) Please share in the comments an experience you’ve had with either feedback being delivered remarkably well, OR remarkably poorly. We can learn from both.

3) I’d also love to hear any issues you’re facing in your business and life that you’d like me to address in an upcoming episode.  I solemnly pinky swear to do my best to get to your ideas. Let me know in the comments, on Facebook or via email.

3) And finally, if you received value from this episode, will you share it with your peeps? I would be most grateful.

• @TanyaGeisler shares what she knows about feedback: receiving it and giving it. (Tweet this)
• There is a direct relationship between the level of emotion + proximity of an issue to your heart. (Tweet this)
• In giving feedback, make sure you have permission. (Tweet this)
• In receiving feedback, remember you’re being offered a perspective…not necessarily YOUR TRUTH. (Tweet this)
• Feedback is a gift. To be received graciously and given respectfully. (Tweet this)

*************

PS – the quote I reference about being the ultimate authority is from here.

Holy doodle. How I’ve missed pressing “publish” here. Thank you for sending out the search party. Wish I could say they found me on a sunny beach sipping Mai Tais. (Seriously…have you ever HAD a Mai Tai? Me neither.)

Nope, the search party found me ensconced in Board of Your Life (as seen in Canadian Living…wheeeeee), happily coaching, visioning, writing and interviewing.

Most of the interviews I’ve done have been part of one series or another, featuring other writers whom I’d love for you to “meet”, and I know from my last round-up post that you appreciate me leaving a trail of bread crumbs, so here is the latest:

• I talked about dreams coming true over at Jamie’s studio. And have found myself happily lost in reading the other contributors’ stories.

• As part of Rachel’s BEAUTEOUS Well-Fed Women series, I shared my current addiction: my belief that I can have it exactly as I want it. (You too?)

• At Sarah O’Leary’s Holistic Hot Sauce I (and 12 other women) talk about self-care. I share how support structures are actually an integral part for me (by keeping me focused…see how that works?)

• I share a simple (and powerful, or so, I’ve been told) equation about prosperity as part of Bridget Pilloud’s GENIUS Peaces of Prosperity series.

• I’ve also been interviewed as part of Jen Louden’s awesome course Creating Your Own  Mastermind Group with MY own Mastermind group. It’s prompted an EPIC post that is taking me for freakin’ EVER to get to you, but it’s coming, it’s coming.  (Did I mention it’s epic? Seriously epic…like, contemplating making it a PDF, epic.)

• I spoke with Bec Robbins as part of her The Secrets to Lasting Happiness series with a whole host of other happy speakers. My interview is live (and FREE) today, then it will be bundled as part of a package she’s offering.

• Gregory Berg of Radio Enso interviewed me and I revealed that (one of) my superpower(s) is hugging. (I would have loved to have seen his face when I said that.)

• And super delightful Fiona Tuite asked me to share my thoughts on Stepping into Your Starring Role. I had many. Go figure.

Oh, and something new ‘round these parts coming next week? TGtv. First episode “airs” Tuesday June 12^th. I intend it to be a bi-monthly-ish missive that covers issues/topics/concerns that show up in my coaching sessions. Experience has taught me that if it’s showing up for my clients, AND it’s showing up for me, then it’s PROBABLY showing up for you. Next week’s episode addresses Feedback: Giving AND Receiving.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear what topics you’d like me to cover for TGtv. Email me, comment, tweet, post to my page. You know where to find me. And it’s not on a sunny beach sipping Mai Tais. Yet.

Gratefully,

Of all the unfathomable atrocities that I try not to think about, human slavery and the sale of women and children around the world as sex slaves ranks just about as high as possible. Thankfully, not everyone is as ostrich-like as I.

Enter 
Erin Giles and her vision: End Sex Trafficking Day.

She’s creating a book by assembling sixty writers (think: Seth Godin, Danielle LaPorte, Dyana Valentine, Pam Slim, Mark Silver, Tara Sophia Mohr and ME) to contribute essays about love, freedom + knowledge. (I weighed in on love).

Every dollar raised in the sale of this book of love will go directly to the Not For Sale Campaign.

This book, in Erin’s words, will set people free.

I believe it.

She’s launched a 30-day giving campaign to raise the funds necessary to get this book printed. She’s made a good dent in her $10,000 target, and has a ways to go yet.

I’ve given. And there’s still more for me to give.

I’ve created a coaching offer for 5 people who want to give too. AND to end something in their own lives and worlds.

The “What wants to end?” Session

Make a $100 donation and get a one-hour Skype/ Phone session with me. In that time, we’ll laser in on what in your life is in the way of your glorious path. And end its reign.

Just came up with this so there’s no fancy sales page.  But here’s how it will work:

• Visit the End Sex Trafficking Day site (and just try not to be moved by Erin’s video).
• Make a donation of $100 or more.
• Forward a copy of your receipt to me via email.
• I’ll send you a link to my calendar and some juicy questions to get you going.

Big ol’ caveat: I’m nearing the finish line of the Board of Your Life Kit launch so sessions won’t happen before April 23^rd.  

If this offer isn’t for you and you’d still like to help:

Please visit End Sex Trafficking Day site and allow your inspiration and compassion to guide you.

Love knows, love grows, bigger than before. In your heart, there’s always more.

{That’s not Hafiz.  Those are words our 7-year old daughter sings with great gusto (from a Barbie movie, natch).}

Yes indeed. I believe in the heart’s infinite capacity for love.

I also believe in efficiency.

Capacity vs Room.

When clients present in session with uphill battles they’re facing, or difficult relationships they’re “managing” (ugh…do you HEAR the weight of that?), I’ll often ask them to consider the emotional real estate that’s being taken up with the current situation, as it is. You have only so much bandwidth to work within. How much space do you want this situation, this person, that conversation, that decision, this relationship to take up? Is it worth it?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. And ever a good enquiry.

That’s talking about room. Not CAPACITY.

So let’s assume your heart is a home. ‘Cause, it kinda is. It houses your emotions and is your sanctuary when you remember to rest there. You do your best to keep it well-tended. It’s neat and tidy and yours. You are a gracious host and so you invite people in. After the soiree has ended, some guests feel entitled to stay in this loving place for longer. You, of course agree. It would be unkind otherwise.

At first, it’s most convivial. You enjoy the devotional acts of leaving mints on the pillow and making your guests breakfast. Sure, they can pick the movie tonight and don’t worry about using all the hot water. Over time, you start to feel a subtle, but mounting resentment to the space they’re taking up. You can’t walk into your living room without tripping over their bags. Is that MORE dirty laundry for you to do? Don’t they EVER wipe the counters down after they shave? And about that toilet seat…

Then you stop yourself for being unkind. You take a step back and think: no, it’s not the last beer that they drank or the fact that they tear out articles from your magazines. No…the problem is you. It’s your house. If it were BIGGER, then you’d be a more gracious host.

Maybe it’s time to put an addition out on the back of the house. Then there would be TONS of space for visitors and their bags.

Sure, it will cost a ton (money, resources, effort), but then there will be room enough for all? Right?

Hmm.

You have only so much room in your heart. Fact. AND, heart’s capacity knows no bounds. But your love can.

So by all means, throw open the doors. And them all in. Just be mindful of who gets to STAY.

Allow to stay those who give as freely as they receive.

• Those who value your radiance; not simply your PVR.
• Those who come bearing nourishing greens + sumptuous broths to feed your soul; not three beers from a 6-pack.
• Those who make you want to laugh with the world; not at it.
• Those who cherish your quirks; not deride you for them.
• Those who see you for the infinite light that you are; not just your generosity and comfy couch.
• Those who are worthy. Of the space that you are sharing.

Before you know it, your house will have filled well beyond the imagined constraints of any architects’ drawing. There, in every room will be more love, joy and fulfillment than you thought possible. An effortless expansion with not a bead of sweat.

Exactly what your heart’s been yearning for, all along.

We all have dreams. Luxe dreams. Travel dreams. Book dreams. Stage dreams. Restaurant dreams. Peace dreams. Adventure dreams. Love dreams. Foo Fighter dreams. Freedom dreams. NYC dreams. Heal the world dreams. Glossy magazine dreams. Circumnavigating the globe on your own at 16 dreams.

Yup. We all have them. They may look different, but they all come from the same place. The heart.

And I happen to have it on good authority (aka Twitter) that 2012 – The Year of the Water Dragon – will be a good year for dreams coming to life.

Cool.

While I don’t doubt the power and tenacity of a Dragon (really, that would be a foolish thing to do), let’s consider giving the Dragon a hand and getting our dreams off the ground, shall we?

Loving the leaps.

1. Get clear on what you want to do. And why. Because a “what” without a “why” is a “just because” or a “should”. And just becauses and shoulds won’t get you where you want to go. Fact.

My friend and the artiste behind the savvy + sa-weet design that is my site, Amanda Farough, got over her just becauses and shoulds and to mark the occasion, has just launched HER gorgeous new space. Get on her list (after you’ve taken the tour and drank in her sassy pants post of bigness) for 10 weeks (YUP!) of giveaways. You may win a Clarity Session with me.

2. Know that fear will want to hold you back and keep you small. That’s its one and only job. Review  #1 and then answer this question from my friend Tara Sophia Mohr: Are you being more loyal to your fears, or to your dreams? (Registration for Tara’s Playing Big closes Jan 24^th at midnight. If you’re keen on amplifying your impact, claiming your place and taming those fears, this may well be the journey for you.)

3. Keep it open, keep it expanded. Shenee Howard is launching Hot Brand Action today…a direct result of stepping into her starring role as writer and teacher. Hell’s YES. Watch the ground come up to meet her in the most glorious way.

4. Get support. Tell your friends, hire a coach (ahem), find a mentor.  They’ll bolster you when you need it, keep your intentions set to “shine”.  They want you to knock it out of the park. We all do, in fact. Count on it and welcome it in with heart and arms wide open.

5. Launch. Just like that.

C’mon now.  Don’t leave it all in the talons of the Water Dragon. Make it happen for your own fine self in 2012.

XO

I am so over the whole “for-it-to-be-important-it-must-be-hard” thing. That’s never worked for me. Oh, I’ve tried it. I’ve white-knuckled and fretted, and all it’s ever won me was this worry line (the one that yielded the “have you thought of Botox?” question from the dermatologist).

No.

Ease is my new port of call. Yours too?

Here are some thoughts on how to make alllll easier.

1. Decide to make it easier. (Just like that).
2. When you notice yourself clenching up, ask yourself: how can this be easier? Inhale and release your shoulders on the exhale. Proceed.
3. Know your values. If you ignore everything else, please don’t ignore this one. They inform E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G you do.
4. Evernotes for your smart phone. Super smart, super easy way to remember everything.
5. Whether you scrapbook or not, document every kid-ism you can. (Evernotes!)
6. Short bursts of exercise burn goodly amounts of calories and fit into your day (like, 10 minutes of running). Making excuses takes more time than that.
7. You can never give (or receive) enough hugs in this lifetime.
8. When you clink those glasses, do like your mama told you and look the other person in the eye. Acknowledgment is a gift.
9. If you’re Canadian, get yourself a TFSA and add the option of saving 50 cents from every Interac transaction. Set it and forget it, (because invisible savings rocks my socks.)
10. When it just doesn’t want to be written, record yourself talking about it. Have that transcribed. (Trust me…)
11. Know that you have permission. Always did.
12. Take three hours once/month to get your bookkeeping up to date.
13. Keep the pulp from your morning green juice in a freezer bag and make a vegetable stock when the bag’s full. Start with olive oil, onions + garlic, throw in the pulp, add water +bay leaf and simmer for as long as you like. You’ll be tweeting about how virtuous you feel.
14. Next time you’re stuck, try a handstand against the wall. Oh, don’t worry about it being elegant…it won’t be.
15. Remember Master Godin’s words: Go ahead, fail. Try to avoid mistakes, though.
16. Know how to fill in this blank: I am ridiculously good at __________. (This is your super power…knowing it will come in handy).
17. Set big + beautiful goals that make your heart soar. Then break them down into the smallest, most delicious morsels you can. Savour.
18. Cut corners, but be clear about which ones must stay sharp.
19. Know the difference between fear and intuition.
20. Write a love letter. To your business. To your self. To your love. To your daughter. To your father. To your ideal client. To your future spouse. The universe loves love and rewards it with ease.
21.  “No, but thanks for asking”. You must stretch this muscle, otherwise your yes’s have no value. And what a colossal waste of energy that is.
22. Clarity will set you free from the shackles of “hard”.
23. You could say it, but you could also sing it. (Insta-mood lift).
24. Bootstrap until you can hire the very very best.

Easier said than done? Let me know. And how do YOU keep it easy, Sunshine? Share in the comments, please.

++++++++++++++++

PS – Just decided over the weekend that while I am of course a Life AND Business Coach, I really am a Clarity Coach. Easy. ‘Cause bringing people Clarity is MY super power.

PPS – Rates for my super-charged Clarity Sessions are going up in 2012 but you can raise your hand now by emailing me by Dec 23^rd and I’ll honour the current price until February 29^th.

Whattahook, eh? “Setting Yourself up for Success”? In “seven steps”? Sensing you’re in for some kind of cheesy post, aren’t you?

You’re not.

But you ARE about to get the value of one or two coaching sessions with me in this here monster post, if you do your work.

Ready?

“Success” has such an amorphous quality that it’s almost benign to me. (You too?)

If I had an hour to solve a problem I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions.

― Albert Einstein

What does success mean to YOU and where are you at on that spectrum right now?

Let’s find out, Tiger.

Draw a circle on a piece of paper and intersect four lines so that there are eight pie wedges.

Now, assign each pie wedge a different label, each area representing a different aspect of your life.

This is a tool from CTI (called “The Wheel of Life”) and they recommend you label the sections:

Career, Money, Health, Friends and Family, Significant Other/Romance, Personal Growth, Fun and Recreation, Physical Environment

You can download CTI’s Wheel of Life here (it’s on page 2).

I usually have my clients fill out the wheel before we even start working together, so we can get clear on where they are, and where they are going. But I’m finding that the eight categories aren’t representing the full picture, so we’re getting creative with our own categories: sexuality; soul work; relationship with children; relationship with parents etc etc and etc.

And for my solopreneur clients, “career” isn’t quite cutting the fullness of the entrepreneurial experience. So some do a wheel for their personal life, as well as one for their business, while others choose to do a mash-up on the same wheel.

The business wheel could have categories such as: Marketing; Sales; Operations; Accounting; Strategic Planning; PR; Innovation and Development; Customer Service, Communications; Results; Leadership/Team Development; Licensee Management; Flexibility; Productivity and so on. Totally specific to YOU.

(You could also do a wheel for how well your team is performing, or can take a look at your own management process. Those will have different categories still.)

There could be much, MUCH debate about what encompasses “leadership” or “customer service”. I don’t need to be right, I just need you to know what YOU mean by leadership or customer service. On my own wheel of business, I have a Ha-Cha-Cha Factor. This means everything to me and possibly nothing to you. It’s my personal reference point of resonance: am I doing work I love? Is my heart soaring? Am I being philanthropic? Am I collaborating on fabulous projects? It’s super clear to me what it means in any given moment.

Once you have your wheel drawn out (or printed out), assign a number that represents your CURRENT level of satisfaction in that area. Zero – 10, where zero is at the centre where the lines intersect and 10 will be at the perimeter.  Zero means you are completely dissatisfied and 10 is, well, a 10. This is COMPLETELY subjective so don’t overthink it. Once you’ve plotted your number, draw a line, creating a new outer edge for that section and do the same for all 8.

If you’re like most people with a pulse, your wheel will be anything but perfectly round. And if you imagine that wheel going down a hill, you’ve GOT to know that it would be a bumpy ride.

No need for judgment. It’s just a snapshot.

Now dive on in to EACH area of the wheel:

What’s working in this area? What do I want to celebrate? What’s NOT working? What do I want more of?

And most importantly:

IF THIS WERE A 10, WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?

Go on and write this down. (THIS IS HUGE).

So, you have your vision (life in all realms at a 10) and you have your reality: one bumpy-assed wheel.

Let’s bridge the two, shall we?

Wherein I show you mine

Here’s my wheel:

Clearly, some areas are working very well and other areas could use a bit o’ loving: namely PR. It’s been on the back burner while I focused on other aspects of my work (which accounts for the higher levels of satisfaction in those realms. (Clarity and attention work wonders for satisfaction levels).

I’m pretty clear about what would be going on if PR were at a 10 in my biz:

1)    I’d have a solid PR plan in place.

2)    A rock star publicist would be working the plan like it was her job, ‘cause, like, it WOULD be her job.

3)    She’d actually be enjoying the interesting challenge of keeping up with the media demands for my time: Some TV work, some radio, some writing…all delicious.

Yes, that feels like a 10 for me.

So, moving towards that “10” will require action.

And goals.

SMART Goals for the Smart Set

I usually have my clients set two SMART goals per area. I’ve written about this before, but let’s recap. For a goal to be SMART, it needs to be:

S =  Specific (you know EXACTLY what you want to accomplish)

M = Measurable (you know when you’ve succeeded in doing it)

A = Actionable (you know you can move forward and have evidence to back it up)

R = Resonant (it’s aligned with your values and you’re driven to accomplish it)

T = Thrilling (it’s going to be a thrill to accomplish it).

(BTW, R + T = where the honey’s at)

By looking at what a “10” would be like for me in PR, you can probably guess what my two goals will be for that area, non?

1. Hire a rock star publicist.
2. Create a PR plan.

Once I decide “by when”, then both of these goals will meet my SMART criteria.  AND each goal will require upwards of 5 action items to make it happen (download a blank template for planning action here).

For me to hire that Publicist, I’m going to have to go find her.

So, here’s my plan:

For those of you who can’t read Tanyawriting, here’s my plan:

1. Write a job description (by Dec 9th, 2012)
2. Ask my coaching colleagues/peers who they work with (by Dec 31, 2011)
3. Reach out to my media contacts to see who they recommend (by Jan 31, 2012)
4. Interview 10 candidates (month of Feb, 2012)
5. Make decision (by Feb 24, 2012)

Some obstacles may show up in the process. Some will be real: there may be few suitable candidates. Some will be my own saboteurs (“you can’t really afford to take this on right now” or “you’re being too lazy…just do it yourself”). In all cases, I will have a workaround (aka “planned response”).

I usually plan for a reward once the goal has been completed, but in this case, having this extra person on my team is the reward in and of itself.

So, your turn.

1. Create your wheel of life, of business or of life+business (with the most resonant and personally meaningful labels you can muster).
2. Assess your level of satisfaction in each area.
3. Ask yourself: What’s working in this area? What do I want to celebrate? What’s NOT working? What do I want more of? AND IF THIS WERE A 10, WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
4. Based on what that 10 would look like, create two SMART goals for each area.
5. For each SMART goal, create your action plan.
6. Work it like your (version of) success depends on it. It does.
7. Rinse and repeat quarterly.

And THAT, my friend, is how you will succeed.

Your definition + Your plan = Your success.

(Go ahead and celebrate that win – and saving the cost of a couple of coaching session  -  by treating yourself to a brand new set of Ginsu knives for your soda can slicing pleasure).

++++++++++++++++++++++

PS – Want more? Contact me. I have a couple of available spots in my coaching practice.

So…you’ve been thinking about hiring me as your coach, have you?

Confession time: I failed the all-important oral portion of my coaching certification exam.

No…no. WAIT. Come back!

I mean I failed it the FIRST time. Nailed it the second. Yes, I am a fully certified coactive professional coach. And have been for well over a year.

Are we better now?

Not really?

I guess I had THAT coming. Should have kept my mouth shut.

Here’s the story. It’s short and painful. Or at least, it was.

I worked hard during the 6-month certification process. Studied hard, got excellent grades on MOST of my supervisions. Passed the written part of the exam (I ASSUMED with flying colours…at CTI, they just give you a pass or fail).

Then I got super cocky.

So cocky, in fact, that I chose to book the oral portion (live coaching of certification supervisors) on my birthday. I mean, what’s one more awesome thing to celebrate, right?

There was not a doubt in my mind that I was gonna win. Was loud and proud on my Facebook page. Bottle of champers at the ready.

Like this picture of me when I was 9.

Dug up by my friend Sarinda

Love that kid and her “I’m gonna win” strut, right?

But sometimes we don’t win. In fact, sometimes we fail.

Well, you know the drill. First I was in denial. Then I got mad, then petulant, then self-indulgent. Then probably mad again. Then I needed validation that there were OTHER amazing coaches who had failed (there are many, and they prefer to remain cloaked.)

Eventually, I landed on this: I’ll take the exam again. I’ll learn from this experience. I won’t like it, but I’ll do it.

So I did.

Here’s what I learned:

1. Confident is good. Cocky, less so. – Confidence is knowing what you are capable of. Cockiness is not leaving any room for error.

2. To win the game, you have to play the game. – I relistened to the audio of the exam. Just once. (It was all I could bear.) The coaching I did in that oral exam was excellent. I’d certainly hire me. But I didn’t use the SPECIFIC coaching tools I was being tested on. Kind of like being in a culinary examination on your ability to create puff pastry, and trying to wow the examiners with your meringue prowess. Possibly delicious, and highly irrelevant. Had I been the supervisor looking for those tools, I’d also have failed me.

3. You have to know the rules to break the rules. – I’m fiercely proud of the year and a half that I spent training to become a coactive coach. And I’m not coactive in my coaching all of the time. I don the hat that my client requires me to wear in that moment. Without exception.

4. Fail fast, recover faster. Lick your wounds and get back on the horse before you’ve made up your mind that you will never ride again. Because you know not-so-very-deep down that to never ride again is just punitive bullshit.

5. Lean into your friends. (Imma lookin’ at you, Lisa). They’ll remind you of this all-important truth, even when you choose not to see it:

6. Fail ≠ you are a failure.

7. If you’re a blogger, do not write about your process while you’re in your process. You need time, space and perspective to parse out what’s valuable for yourself and your readers.  It’s one thing to be authentically vulnerable…quite another to do an emotional striptease.

8. You can still be a Super Star AND have failed.  Like Beethoven. Gates. Lucas. Lincoln. Edison. Churchill. Spielberg. Ford. Honda. Disney. Winfrey. Socrates. Seinfeld. Godin. Ask your idol – she’ll tell you about the time she failed. It’s like my friend Kelly says: Nobody gets through this journey without a stubbed toe or two.

I’d much rather learn from success than from failure, but I’d be a fool not to take the learnings where I can.

And honey? I may have failed, but I ain’t no fool, I ain’t no Failure, and surely to heaven above, I will fail again. But I’m also gonna win. Lots.

I love throwing parties. I love bringing people together. I love signature cocktails, the excuse to arrange lavish floral arrangements, and ironing the white linen napkins. I love planning the cheese tray. I love the loot bags.

So yes. I love throwing parties. And I’m told by my friends that I’m pretty good at it.

It’s in the details. And possibly, the love.

Lead With Your Strengths. In All Things, Including Launches.

So, when Kelly and I discussed how to launch my happy new site (that she and Amanda done did as red+purple), she answered simply (and with what I make up would have been a “duh” expression in her eyes): throw a party.

You heard the “duh” in that too, right?

Yup. Got it.

One slight problem: how do you throw a party with no cheese tray, flowers, white linens, or cocktails?

Answer: loot bag!!

Goody goody good good. I love giving stuff away.

Problem there (party-planning’s all about problem solving, turns out): I have a pretty happy busy coaching practice and not a ton of time to give away (like I did last time). It’s a champagne problem and a reality. I have no products (yet) other than my beloved Joy Pages (which I’ve been giving out anyways – grab yours here).

Kelly patiently pointed out that in addition to giving good party, I also make good friends.

And?

“Generous friends.”

Huh?

“Generous friends who have products.”

Blank stare.

“Generous friends who have products that your readers would want to have.”

Crickets.

“Jesus, Tanya. Ask your generous friends with products if they would give you a copy of said digital product for Swag Bag of Magnificence and then give it away to one super lucky person!”

Why would they want to do that?

“Woman. Read your own words on the topic: people want to help. ESPECIALLY your generous friends. Hell, I want to help and you haven’t even asked: so you can have a Red Shoe Blogger session”.

Right. I know this to be true. I see it time and time again.

So I write what I hope is an elegant ask of Danielle, Dyana, Pam, Jen, Carrie, Tara, Amanda, Michelle, Jamie and Kelly. And then hold my breath.

10 asks. 10 effusive yes’s. Over $1100 of digital gorgeousness.

How did I get so lucky?

Carrie: “You got so lucky by being you.”

Stunned.

So, with the Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified secured, off we go our separate ways: Amanda designing, Kelly writing, Tanya party planning (and nail-biting: “what of no one shows up?”). Launch date: July 26^th 2011.

Wherein the Best-Laid Launch Plan Goes Awry

Then, on July 7th, T minus 20, it happens: kablooey. My existing site blows up.

Well not really, exactly. But kinda sorta.

Let’s just say the email that I received at 6:30 that morning while at the gym read:

We are very sorry to hear your ‘public_html’ folder has been deleted. Unfortunately, we do not keep a backup of your files. You would need your webmaster to manually restore those files. In the future, please ensure you run the ‘Backup Wizard’ on a regular basis. 

In other words: kablooey.

Once it’s established that no one died (this is good), and the tears and expletives have subsided, we are left with this: I am a coach without a website. There is only one solution that we can entertain: launch the new site, stat. Two weeks earlier than planned.

Did I mention Amanda 9++ months pregnant and days overdue?

Didn’t think so.

A three day workback is drafted. It must get done. There is no time to iron the linens – paper napkins will have to do. There is no time for fear no-shows. There was no time to even get in my own damned way. The SNAFU made sure of that.

Funny thing about urgency: it tames fear and strips back to what’s essential.

And Essential is Excellent

Between Kelly, Amanda, my Rock Star VA, and I, we get it done. Amanda fixed code during contractions. I couldn’t make that up.

And it launches. And they come. BOY, do they come.

It’s a party of epic proportions.

Loving emails, tweets of congratulations, Facebook “likes” and phone calls flood in.

The results: My cheeks hurt from smiling, “thank you” has started to lose all meaning and my heart feels like it could burst. In other words: it was pure bliss.

I am grateful. I am radiant. Like my girl Kelly.

And so I’m reminded:

 Ask – Clearly, sincerely, respectfully and nicely. People want to help.

Launch – Wherever you are at. Throw open the doors.

Ask – With your heart and then launch with your heart. It never fails. Nor will you.

++++++++++++

PS – You still have until July 22^nd to win the Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified by entering a video of you about stepping into your starring role. Don’t worry about having perfect hair (seriously… did you see MINE in my launch video? Windswept – not the good kind – from having just picked my kid up the ferry docks after her day at Island camp). Shine from where you are. Step into your starring role.

PPS – And once your video is complete, remember to drop the URL in Mr Linky. Otherwise I won’t know about your brilliance and you won’t get entered for the Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified. So please get to shining…and linking!