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And sometimes, people choose kindness

I am inspired by the outreach that I have had on my blog, in personal emails and in conversations I have had with people since my last post. People have been sharing with me their experiences with people choosing action over apathy. I am grateful, my heart is warm and I wish to share a very personal story with you all now, too. When I was 18 years old, I was invited to an end-of summer lifeguard party at the Opera House in Toronto. Fun right? Cute guys, right? I arrived a bit late with a girlfriend, so after a quick turn of the place to find our friends, we wasted no time in hitting the dance floor. I made my way out on to the crowded floor and found my spot, then turned to face my friend. Instead of her, stood a teeny little maniac I’d never seen before who hauled off and punched me in the eye. Hard. Her diamond ring cut the skin above my eye (I still have the scar). I just stood there. It happened so fast, I didn’t even have time to cover my face for the second, third, fourth and fifth punches. Let alone the wherewithal to strike back. I was dimly aware that a circle had formed around us to watch this bloody debacle. The punches all landed on the left hand side of my face, for good reason. I had caught the eye of a guy watching and was having a mute conversation with his eyes: “You’re a LIFEGUARD for God’s sake! Can’t you see I am getting pummeled here? GET THIS CRAZY B*!#^H OFF OF ME”. “No”, his eyes said, quite simply. After what seemed like an eternity, a friend pulled her off of me and I ran out. I stumbled, bleeding and blind out of one eye down the street. I sat down on the curb and held my face, blood streaming down my arm. I sobbed, and felt as cold as I ever had in my life. Shock, I guess. I heard heavy footsteps approach me. Several. But I was so spent, I couldn’t even be bothered to look up and kept my head in my hands, eyes trained on the blood droplets on the pavement. Huge boots surrounded me. Six pairs. In front, beside me, and behind me. Men’s boots. A gang, I assumed. I remember...

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Apathetic towards apathy

Today, I went for a run. (A rare occurrence, but happily becoming less rare). I was having a frustrating day—the kind of day where everything seemed to compound upon itself. You know: ran out of milk for coffee; a client missed a session; iPhone and laptop calendar stopped syncing; and got told by my optometrist that my eyelid oil glands were overactive (I mean, really?). Absurd stuff to sweat, in hindsight, but frustrating nonetheless. So I thought a run would do me some good (if nothing else, I could pay forward calories for the dark chocolate that I thought might end up being my solace). Ten minutes in, I saw a man fall from the walker he was holding. He was probably 300 lbs, easily 65 years old and half a block away. I sprinted up to help him. He was clearly in shock, had a very pronounced speech impediment and was crying. Speaking in soothing tones helped him to calm down as I held his hand to assess any injury that he may have sustained. Once I confirmed that he was “mostly” fine, I helped him back into his walker. I do not wish to belabour the point, but this was no easy feat. Using the walker as a fulcrum, nearby stairs for support (ones that his head narrowly escaped) and every ounce of strength he and I both had, we got him back up. He awkwardly tried to hug me in gratitude and once I was satisfied that he was okay, I ran off. Crying. I cried about the indignity of aging. I cried for the discomfort I felt in receiving the clumsy hug. I cried that I didn’t stay with this human being longer. But mostly I cried because no one else stopped. To help him. Or to help me help him. No no no. It’s not that the incident went unnoticed. Drivers slowed to gawk and pedestrians stepped around us. Their eyes met my pleading ones for just a second before they were averted. I cried because my heart broke as I grappled with further evidence of what seems to be a forgone conclusion: we are an apathetic society. And then I realized that I have been a party to this apathy all along. I have witnessed it, and yet been apathetic towards the apathy itself in that kind of “*shrug*, what are ya gonna...

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The Paradox of Focus

This summer was bliss-y. My husband was home and we pulled our daughter from daycare, so between BBQs, cottage time and chasing the ice cream truck around the ‘hood, it was juuuust about right. And long enough. So I’m thrilled that fall is here. It’s my favourite season. Apples + cheddar. Warm days + cool nights. Everything feels brighter, and crisper. Clearer. On top of that, my husband’s in a fabulous new job (yay him) and daughter is settling in to grade 1 (yay her), so I am pretty excited to devote my attention, fully and completely, to my business (yay me). {Disclaimer – I continued to love and coach my clients throughout the hazy lazy days…I just wasn’t working on anything new}. So as I am getting refocused on my business, revving up my engine, it’s not surprising that my entrepreneur clients are wanting the same. And when I ask what they want coaching on in this session, invariable they say: I want to focus on focus. YA BABY! Let’s get started! Let’s get specific! Let’s clamp down! But wait. The paradox of focus, is that to be focused, we need step way, WAYYYYY back and a meta-view of who we are and where we are going. Who are you? Who are you in this world? Your values will tell you. They’re the things that make you fundamentally who you are at your core. They are the bricks in the glorious and utterly unique house of you. Knowing what your values are will help you to make soulful decisions for your business. {And soulful decisions, by the way, generally translate to cash.} I’ve written before about some values clarification tools that will help. (I like to help…it’s a core value of mine). Also notice who you admire and why. What do they stand for? Likely rooted in there are some of your values. Once you’ve gained on your values, start to notice what might be missing for you right now. For instance: my plans for the next two months involve a lot of writing and one-on-one coaching. Which fully honours my values of connection and creativity. Awesome. But performance and leadership is missing. So, it’s time to start booking some speaking gigs. Check! Lean into the values that aren’t being honoured in your business. Notice how exciting that feels. Pretty hard to not focus on something that feels...

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Crush on your business and your customers (not your competition)

In life and in business, we can spend an awful lot of time worrying about the competition. What they’re doing. Not doing. What they’re doing better than us. Smarter. Flashier. Faster. And it all adds up to feeling like you don’t add up. And while you know it to be an exercise akin to sniffing spoiled milk (you know it will smell awful and likely make you sick to your stomach) you spend far too much time stalking researching your competition on Twitter. Here’s the tonic (gin optional). Your competition doesn’t care about you. Period. You are crushing on that cutie who doesn’t even know you exist. They’re in love with someone else: your customer. Crush on your business instead. Love your business into its greatness. Spending your days defining your unique offering? I guarantee you’ll not find the answers in your competitors’ sales pages. Here’s a more soulful way: ask a friend to interview you. Video tape it and notice the energy hits and dips. What are you offering that makes you very useful? Why were you put on this earth to start this business? What is so easy for you that you barely realize it’s your gift? When do you feel strongest? What are you proudest of in your business? What’s the biggest version of what you’re creating? What are your peers saying about you at an awards ceremony five years from now? Pretty quickly, you’ll get to the heart of your brilliance. Settle into your throne and bask in it. Then do the work you love to do. Keep your compass trained on where you want to go. Surround yourself with accountability support to keep you in action and away from the teat of spoiled milk. Crush on your customers. Love THEM into their greatness. What problems do you help them solve? How can you deliver your very best to them? What do your existing clients thank you for (and how can you give them more of that)? What else can you be giving them? Thank them. A lot. About that competition Yes, it’s possible that your competition will beat you from time to time. You may lose that client, gig, or deal to someone else. Or to the market, the weather and a nasty bout of the flu.  Worrying about any of that won’t do a single thing to stop it. The real enemy here...

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Tea with my Future Self

How woo-woo is the title of this post is? I mean, really. Tea? With my “Future Self”? Yet, there it is. Because I’m sharing this part of me in service of you. Here’s why. I love reading people’s letters to their 20-year old selves. If they knew then what they know now…that sort of thing.  And as much as I feel like I could tell 20 year-old Tanya (“enjoy shooters now because you’ll find them repulsive soon”), I’m more interested in what 20-years-from-now Tanya has to say about things. She’s one smart cookie, that Tanya. I know this because I’ve “met” her. Over a year ago in coach training with CTI…we did a Future Self visualization that blew me away. I saw, quite clearly, the woman I will be in 20 years. She is the sum of who I’m becoming. The z in the formula x + y= z. And she’s got it going ON. When faced with a tough choice, I’ll check in with my Future Self and just know what she’d do. Course corrected, wrong righted, inspiration reignited. Given my propensity to interview inspiring people (Ray, Danielle, Krystyn, Dyana,  and Emma, to name a few), I thought I’d do the same here with my Mother-of-All-Inspiration, my Future Self. Here we go…cue the dream sequence music and wavy picture. ****************************************** I walk up the front walk way of a stunning home. Gardenias in full bloom…peppery floral scent sweetens the air. The door opens before I can knock it. 57 year-old Future Self Tanya knew I was coming. There she is: Empress-like in her posture, a wicked gleam of fun in her eyes and warmth in her smile. We hug (heart to heart…the only way a hug counts). I notice she still wears our necklace. In the living room, I settle in to a comfy armchair and take in the space. It’s Dwell meets French country. Reclaimed plank floors are scattered with Persian rugs. Pictures on the impressive mantle tell of a life of family, fun and travel. Colourful abstract art adorns every white wall. She pours me a cup of tea (Mariage Frères, natch). A little milk and a little sugar. She takes hers black (I wonder when that happened). (2010 me) – So, you look pretty happy here in 2030. How did we get here? (Future Self) – You can call it following your heart, your north...

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Gettin’ yer voice on with Emma Alvarez Gibson

I have this fundamental belief that successful businesses launch from passion. Am in good company here as we live in a glorious time where most coaches, consultants, fire starters and business mavens advocate the same. Passion can’t be taught, nor bought (though one of the aforementioned professionals can help you tease it out) and the root of the passion is always TRUTH. Now truth and passion may sometimes dance a sloppy two-step, but when they do sync up, you’ve got yourself some hip-shaking grease lightening. What’s ALSO glorious about this time is that many people start their businesses with a blog. Maybe they start the blog first before they start the business, or maybe the business comes first and then the blog comes along as a marketing tool. Maybe it’s a “should” or an “oughtta” (I hope not…shoulds and oughttas = don’t bother). I am getting somewhere…promise. This whole blog thing can be a huge stopper for some people. From some of my clients, I hear: What do I possibly have to say {lots} Who could possibly want to hear it? {your people} Where do I even start? {from here} What’s my voice supposed to be? {ahhhhhhhhhh…yes} So, when Facebook and Twitter friend Emma Alvarez Gibson posted a status update about her Brand Alchemy Sessions that address this very issue of finding one’s voice, I was curious. So I messaged her about it and she responded with: “Please, ask away! I really think I can help…this is one of the things I was born to do. Xoxo” *Serious swoon* When people identify that they know what they were born to do, as in Life Purpose kind of stuff, I get goose bump-y and tingly with a desire to know more. So, she graciously complied. Generous and lovely… a winning combo. ****************************************** Tell me more about how you were born to help in this way…I have my popcorn and am ready to hear it all. How did you discover this was your gift (and personal brand of genius)? Are there more?   I’m someone who’s always lived sort of between worlds. Ethnically, culturally, socioeconomically. Even in terms of interests, I’m all over the place. I’m fascinated by almost everything, and that includes people. It all, on some level, makes sense to me.  Also, I’m—ahem!—highly sensitive. To…everything. Sounds, textures, colors, scents. People breathing at me wrong. (Just kidding! Ha, ha!) (Okay,...

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