The “Step Into Your Starring Role” Project

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Welcome to my shiny happy new home. Isn’t it something? Don’t you want to spend, like, ALL your time here?

Okay, maybe that’s just me.

But I hope it’s not just me…because really, I put this site together for you.

Because I want you to step into your starring role.

Shine, Baby, Shine

Did you see the message at the top of this page?

Life is a grand production.

Yup, that. And what I mean by that is this:

Your life, as it is now, has been the preparation - the production – needed to launch your next project.

The project where you step into your starring role and your radiance lights up the world.

Project Life, Well Lived. Project You.

‘Cept I know that for you, it isn’t all about you. Your most glorious project – your life – isn’t the “The Me-Me-Me Show”. Instead, your grand production – and mine, too – is about creating and contributing to a better world by becoming a better person.

It’s the mama+oxygen mask theory. If (god forbid) you’re ever on a plane in an emergency situation (oh, those pesky snakes on a plane!), you put your mask on, first. Because by staying conscious, engaged, and intentional, you’re able to use your life help others.

And that’s what today is all about…for you and me.

I launched this grand production – my coaching practice of several years and now this brand-spanking-new site – so I could step into my starring role…

…which is help you shine, by

supporting you as you step into your most glorious, productive, purposeful self

AND

empowering you to use your life and your gifts to instigate change and instill joy.

For yourself and the world. And that’s the grand production I’m on about:

LIFE, starring YOU.

It’s a Joyful, Gratitude-Fueled Journey

If you’ve read my signature guide to the good life, The Joy Pages, you know that I’m rock-solid-certain that

• connecting to your core values,
• aligning your life with your values,
•  infusing your life with joy, and
• radiating gratitude

are the building blocks of the life-stage on which you stand, deliver…and shine.

So right off the top, I must thank Amanda and Kelly for working their red+purple magic. The colours! The message! The groove! Oh…I’m so happy.

These incredible women worked tirelessly on this baby. In fact, speaking of babies, Amanda was still doing a spit-shine on this (virtual) baby between contractions for her (real, live) baby. (Congratulations, honey!) THAT is dedication. And Kelly held my hand during every little bump and managed to made it roller-coaster fun.

So. Clearly I’m happy.

Let’s Celebrate Our Grand Production…with a Premiere

Which means I want to make YOU happy.

That’s my mission (talk about aligning values + action…) as a coach and that’s what this site is all about.

You becoming your most intentional, purposive, radiant you.

And THAT is cause for celebration.

So to celebrate the premiere of our (yours ‘n mine) grand production, I invited my magnificent, magnanimous friends DyanaValentine, Jamie Ridler,  Michelle Ward, Pam Slim, Amanda Oaks, Jen Louden, Danielle LaPorte, Carrie Klassen, Tara Gentile, and Kelly Diels to the party.

And they came bearing gifts.

…So OF COURSE There’s A Swag Bag

Yup, each of these gorgeous, generous women contributed their talents, time and services to make this premiere a premier event.

And I’ve poured all their love and and excellence into one super-fabulous, celebratory, giveaway swag bag.

Here’s what The Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified includes:

(in reverse alphabetically order because I know Michelle is done with being last in line with that “W” last name of hers.)

1. Michelle Ward’s Creative Career Cheer Workbook. – Hip hip hooray and grab a beer – her rhyming, illustrated workbook will help find your career to cheer (about)!

2. Michelle Ward’s Declaration of You. Let Michelle Ward, Jessica Swift, and Pierre François Frédéric help you uncover your own definitions/ideas/values/perspective around enthusiasm, money, success, uniquity (yes, that’s a made-up word!), intention, self-care, success, money, celebration, and trust – all leading you to The Declaration of You!

3. Dyana Valentine’s Pitch Perfect Pack – Never get stuck again on the wrong end of “so whattayado”?

4. Jamie Ridler’s Your Creative Spark – SERIOUSLY Inspiring Interviews with 12 Highly Creative Bloggers.

5. Pam Slim’s Ethical Selling that Works – Pam is the Queen of Ethical selling. She’ll show you how to sell your services in the cleanest, clearest and most natural way.

6. Amanda Oaks’ Regiving: The Gifts of Kindness & Laughter: thirty awesome contributors, sixty heartwarming and hilarious stories, five inspirational printable art prints…and a place for you to share your stories!

7. Jen Louden’s Satisfaction Finder – Learn how to be satisfied – how to declare what “enough” is – and liberate your energy, get stuff done, and most importantly: Start enjoying all that you already have…right now.

8. Danielle LaPorte’s The Spark Kit – I KNOW you already know this, but The Spark Kit is the mother of all must-haves digital book-meets-video seminar to help you rock your business… your way, right away.

9. Carrie Klassen’s How to write a Loveable Home Page - It’s like writing a love letter to your ideal client.

10. Tara Gentile’s The Art of Earning – Tara gorgeously helps you shift into a new money attitude. “Because making money should be beautiful.” YES.

11. Kelly Diels’ Red Shoe Blogger Session – A one-hour digital strategy session with Kelly is time with your soul teacher. She’ll help you kapow your whole platform and provide artful, heart-full feedback and strategy to amp it all up.

12. My Joy Pages guide to the good life AND a Clarity session with me (value: $250).

Added up, The Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified  is worth $1,100!

(And, perhaps obviously, that’s only a fraction of its true value. I mean, just look at these products and people!)

But Wait, There’s More!

Everyone who enters the giveaway for the one and only Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified will also be entered in a lottery to receive a pay-what-you-choose Clarity Session with me (usually priced at $250).

The Step Into Your Starring Role Project

AND NOW…here’s how all that swag (or a Clarity Session) can be yours:

1. Step into your starring role. Literally. Do a quick (2 minute MAX please…PLEASE) video of gorgeous you telling me:

• About your own desire to step into the starring role of your life
• What that would give you/ what it might mean for you
• What needs to be overcome for you to step on out
• How I/we can help you

(For a nerve-busting post on how to do a fabulously effective and ease-filled video, please read DyanaValentine’s awesome “get down on it with video” post.)

2. Sign up for the “Step into your starring role” project below in MrLinky.

3. Upload your video to your own site, tagging it “Step into your starring role”, to YouTubeor Vimeo and come back and drop the link down below.

4. Tweet about it using the hashtag #star.

How the Prizes Will Be Awarded

• A couple of my favourite peeps and I will decide who wins the Swag Bag of Magnificence, Magnified based on the video that displays the most creativity, heart, art and authenticity. So go ahead and glow…that’s how we’ll know it’s you.

• Everyone who participates will have their names entered in the top hat for a pay-what-you-choose Clarity Session…which thirty (30!) of you will win.

THE DEETS:

1. The entry deadline is Friday, July 22, 2011 at 12pm PST / 3pm EST.

2. The winner of the one and only Swag Bag Of Magnificence, Magnified will be announced July 29, 2011 at 12PM PST/3PM EST, via Twitter, Facebook and the Mr. Linky List.

3. Winners of the thirty individual pay-what-you-choose Clarity Sessions with me will be announced August 1st.

4. No purchase is necessary to win.

5. Not redeemable for cash*.

We want to see you…all of you.

So go ahead. Step into your starring role.

PS Now I KNOW I don’t need to say this, ‘cause you’re awesome and wouldn’t try to but the prize pack has no cash value. As in, please don’t win then ask me for $1100 cash.That would neither be cool, nor elegant (nor, given this disclaimer,legal!)

PPS I’d adore it if you subscribed to my mailing list. I only send e-mails when I think it’s really good stuff (like excellent blog posts, compelling offers and the occasional giveaway) and absolutely worth your time (twice a month-ish). Promise.

To me, kindness and laughter make this gorgeous orb go round. And I suspect you believe the same.

So you KNOW that I jumped all over the chance to talk about both when the wondrous Amanda Oaks of Kind Over Matter invited me answer the following:

What small act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?

What was one of the funniest experiences of your life, one where you laughed from your core?

The result is a gorgeous compilation of 30 stories each of kindness and laughter (60 in all) peppered with beautiful and inspiring art. It’s called “Regiving”. Can you imagine two things that are more wondrous to regift? Me neither.

I am beyond honoured to be included in this book. I mean really…the contributors’ list is a who’s who of marvellousness. I’m in there with 29 other writers I dig and admire (like the sublimely hot-in-every-way Dyana Valentine, breathtaking Julie Daley, lustrous Jamie Ridler, sparkling Tia Singh, awesome Fabeku Fatunmise and jubilant Michelle Ward to name but a few. Seriously…I could go on: Jonathan Mead, Ev’Yan Nasman, Goddess Leonie, Susannah Conway, Kate Swoboda. Ok, ok…I’ll stop, even though I reallllllllly don’t want to).

Go on and grab your copy of Regiving {affiliate link…I love it that much}.

AND, if you are so moved, in the comments below, please share YOUR never-to-be-forgotten kindness story that helped shape who you are today AND one story of laughing so hard you may have even peed (quite a common side effect, it turns out – you are not alone).

This past weekend, a friend and I subjected ourselves to some kinda camp, better known as the 2006 flick: Snakes on a Plane. If you don’t want me to spoil it for you, probably best you stop reading, ‘cause I’m a-gonna spill the dramatic arc here. (Air quotes are implied)

There are snakes on a plane. They freak everyone out. How they got there (bad guys) is kind of irrelevant. They’re there and they’re freaking everyone out. I mean, they are snakes on a plane for the love-a! (Full disclosure: I am full-on eeeeeeeeeeck when it comes to snakes.  Even Harvey Slytherin, the garter snake hanging out in my backyard clematis makes me lose all semblance of composure…much to the amusement of my family and neighbours).

So, we have established that there are snakes on a plane. Samuel L Jackson and a cast of other actors (who must have heard the money truck backing into their driveways to participate in this ummm, ART) try to get the snakes off the plane. With varying degrees of success. Then they do.

Fin.

So what?

Well, you see, the snakes, in my world, are a metaphor for saboteurs (or gremlins, or inner critics, or resistance, or lizard brain).

Sneaky, slithery, insidious and intent on killing. Or at the very least, bringing your plane down.

It looks a little something like this:

You have this idea. This juicy, robust idea. It’s been keeping you awake for a long time now. You know that now’s the time. It’s not the perfect time – it’s the RIGHT time. You’ve done your due diligence and you are set. It’s going to blow their socks off. You envision the celebratory party, know how many cases of Veuve Cliquot you’ll need and already know what your response will be when O calls. It’s THAT good.

So you get in the plane all hopped up on adrenaline. (In the “film” the passengers were given leis before they boarded the plane. The leis were sprayed with pheromones which inconveniently made the snakes good and ravenous). Your adrenaline rouses your saboteurs. They start sniffing around and realize: holy hell…he’s about to do something. Must. Stop. Him.

They start to slither towards you….you know they’re coming and what they want.

Now what? Presumably, you’ve been told to shoot them down. Well, Samuel L tried that at first. Problem is, there are too many. They’re like, EVERYWHERE. Shoot one, another shows up. And another. And another. There’s another over there.

EEEEEEEEEECK. EEEEEEEECK. EEEEEEEEECK.

Now what?

Know that they don’t discriminate. This may not help a ton in the moment, but just as ravenous snakes will go after FBI agents, surfers, rappers (and their bodyguards), pilots and mile-high clubbers with equal voracity, so too do saboteurs go after us all. You, me, even Danielle. Oh yes.

Know what you’re up against. There are snakes and then there are SNAKES. By identifying some of the dead snakes via texted photo from a cell camera, agents at LAX were ready with the right anti-venom for all the different kinds of snake bites when the plane landed. Damage minimized.

For our purposes, this looks like doing a roll call of your own saboteurs. Not all are created equal and not all can be treated the same way. I always ask my coaching clients to note what their saboteurs love to tell them and ask them to give them some identifying traits. Names help too.

For instance: Nick the Nihilist looooooooves to point out what I can’t do. How I deal with him is very different from how I deal with my “what’s the use” Eeyore-looking saboteur.

Trust me. They look different, sound different and are equally disempowering. And lethal.

Know yours. Name yours. Describe yours. Know their stories. Know their habits. Know when they like to show up. And know their secret fears. Then use this intelligence on them mercilessly.

Get your team together. You don’t need to go it alone. Pull in every last resource available to you. Ask for help. Gather the best and the brightest. Your huge idea deserves nothing less.

And while Samuel L didn’t exactly have the best and the brightest on the plane with him, he DID have some pretty good ground support. AND, as it happened, the rapper’s bodyguard played so many flight simulator video games that he was able to land the plane. See? Never hurts to ask. Everyone has hidden talents. Ahem.

Get seriously intentional.

Or as Samuel L so eloquently articulated:

But. He didn’t say monkey or fighting or Monday or Friday (but you knew that).

Blow open the freakin’ windows. It’ll be messy. Watch your saboteurs get sucked away. Then get down to it. Do the work. Land your damned plane. We’re waiting for you on the tarmac with O’s people, Veuve Clicquot at the ready.

Fin.

As I write this, I am on a bumpy flight home from NYC after attending the awe-inspiring Selling Your Soul love-fest thrown by the sublime Danielle LaPorte and the sass-tastic Marie Forleo.

If you run in the same blog-reading circles as I do, you’ll read tons of great stuff about the shin-dig in the coming days. It will all be true. Danielle and Marie are BRILLIANT. They know their genius. They know what their people want…and they deliver. Profound R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

D+M will be releasing a digital version of the juicy content covered later in the summer, so I’ll not be dishing any of their delicious goods here. You can sign up for the info about the digital soul product here. And you really want to.

Howevah. Here’s what I WILL dish on as it’s coming up for me as we barrel through turbulence (or, as the captain of this craft so delicately stated: “a patch of air”). It feels important.

I had some time to myself on Wednesday afternoon. By design, I am seldom alone. I generally prefer the company of, well, company.

So I decided to sink into the rarity of this opportunity. Sunny afternoon in Manhattan + nowhere to be + dead iPhone = perfect people-watching conditions.

As I watched the hustle and the bustle of all manners of folks, I made up stories about them based on their shoes, expressions, age, posture etc. And I wondered what made them tick. I wondered what was universally true for everyone that passed by. I made wild generalizations. It passed the time and I felt quite a bit less alone. Mission accomplished.

—–

The next day, at Selling Your Soul, I savoured the off-the-charts energy of 140 other Lovelies. I listened to the heartful questions that were asked of Danielle and Marie about passion, profit and purpose. And some of those stories that I had made up on 5^th and Broadway started to crystallize.

I’ve talked before about the myth of everyone. Now here’s what I am starting to believe to be the immutable truth about everyone.

Everyone does indeed have their own brand of genius.
Everyone feels fear.
Everyone is trying their best.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone wants to know their value.
Everyone wants to be recognized.
Everyone wants to make a difference.
Everyone has a story.
Everyone wants to be acknowledged.
Everyone has pain.
Everyone wants freedom.
Everyone has something that needs to be released.
Everyone desires more (and less).
Everyone feels they may not be enough.
Everyone is afraid to make the leap.
Everyone wants love.
Everyone cares about how they show up.
Everyone has doubts.
Everyone has someone else they look up to.
Everyone wants to deliver.
Everyone has money “stuff”.
Everyone has it goin’ on in someone else’s eyes.
Everyone has a hunger.

This is you. This is your clients. This is your partner. This is all of us.

You are not alone.

So keep on going.

Because you are needed. You, yes YOU, are needed. Oh yes.

*********

Know what my personal brand of genius is? Helping people find their THING. And then help them rock it out. I’m taking three more clients into my coaching practice before my rates go up at the end of May, 2011. Are you one of them? Click here.

Hello there, Sunshine! Did I manage to reel you in with promises of misery or Disney? Ahh, you’ll get both. Read on.

So, it seems the thing to do when a blogger’s not been blogging is to do a round-up of what’s been up. So I give you the short list:

Where I’ve been
Writing
Coaching
Disney World (this is not a metaphor)
Writing
Coaching
Writing
Coaching
Eating Easter chocolates
Hitting the gym
Coaching
Writing
Coaching

Titillating, non?

Disney, coaching, chocolates, and gym are all wonderful. And the writing, you ask? Ahhhh….the WRITING. My Board of Your Life product (that I bragged on-camera was coming along swimmingly…FAIL), and another, yet-to-be-revealed product (while I do fail often, I also learn quickly) are in “progress”. Swimmingly is ONE way of describing the process. At times it’s a great, chest-stretching, leg-strengthening, don’t-I-look-hot-in-this-JCrew-swimsuit feeling. Other times, MOST times, it’s salt-water-sucking-into-lungs-and-if-I-stop-I-will-drown agony. And I want to throw in the towel. Often.

Turns out, I am not special. Turns out, according to Steven Pressfield, I am merely in

The   Belly  of  The   Beast.

See, I’ve also been reading Pressfield’s manifesto: “Do the Work” (and I mean re-reading it because it takes, like, 50 minutes to cover it on the elliptical machine…this I know).

It’s like Pressfield hands you this field journal (and presumably a stiff shot of scotch) and says: “Kid, Resistance wants to kick your ass. Resistance wants to eat you alive. You will beat Resistance by doing the work. Do the damned work. Capiche?”

The work, of course, is different for everyone. It’s opening a restaurant, launching a product (ahem), mending a relationship, quitting smoking, running ultra-marathons across the Sahara, writing a dissertation, building the shelter. It’s all work of the heart. In Pressfield’s words: “any act that rejects immediate gratification in favor of long-term growth, health or integrity”.

Since my first go at the book, I’ve recommended it to every one of my clients in our sessions. Every one.  Testosterone-y language? Oh yes. Inspiring? Mmm hmm. Motivating? You bet your sweet bippy.

So I am doing the work. I am doing the writing. I still am not in love with ALL that I’m writing, but am far less concerned about how my butt looks in this swimsuit. I will finish this swim. It’s my swim to own. There is no other way.

As I learn about my miserable relationship with the Resistance, I shift and grow how I work. In service of my work. And my hope, is that it is also in service of you and yours.

And speaking of misery and service, a client reminded me of these words by T.D. Jakes today:

“I tell you now that your ministry is where your misery has been. That same spot that made you cry and moan is where you can bring honor and healing to those who are touched with the same pain. This is the spot where your compassion will skyrocket, and you can help the next generation of victims to get out of their beds and walk.”

So here’s what I invite you to do: Know your misery. Get intimate with it. Be in the mess of it. Live with the indecision. Go deeper into it. Talk about it until you can no longer stand it.  Then get up and be in service of those you seek to heal.

Heal thyself, then go heal the world, baby.

{And by the way? Your ministry is ALSO where your joy has been. Ooooooh yes it is. Where has your joy been? And for more on this less miserable topic, be sure to download my book of love “The Joy Pages” over there on the right}

I found myself in the curious place of holding a self-limiting, self-imposed (aren’t they all?) belief that wasn’t serving me. And I decided to simply let it go. Not surprisingly, flow followed. And singing.

If you can’t see the video, click here.

Lately, I’ve been kind of gob-smacked by how many people are showing up on my proverbial doorstep saying “I’m fed up with the pattern I keep reliving…it’s Groundhog Day all over again. It’s painful and damned stupid. I KNOW better, I keep trying to break it, but I keep getting sucked in, and it feels bloody disempowering” (or thereabouts). They in turn, are gob-smacked when I metaphorically seize them by the shoulders, shout “HUZZAH!!!!!” and have them join me in a high-kicking folk dance.

I celebrate patterns.

Here’s why: unlike pattern’s kissing cousin “stuck”, there IS a neat and tidy formula to the pattern.

Now IF someone truly desires to step out of that pattern (and that “if” deserves capitals, because not everyone really wants to leave the safety of a pattern) it’s about as easy as 1-2-3 (or 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, depending on what it is).

Here’s how.

Write out the pattern

Make it goooood, robust and juicy. Make it yours. Own it. You keep reliving it so you MUST know the steps like the back of your hand, non? Like, you could teach a course on “how to fall out of love (with a person, idea, project)” or “how to be late for every single important event”, or  “botching sensible weight loss plans” or “racking up debt”. In fact, assume you ARE teaching on course on your pattern. You are the world’s leading expert on it, after all.

Here’s an example. Say you’re a blogger. And say you don’t write as often as you’d like.

Your pattern MAY be:

1. You get an inspired idea. A fabulous, wonderful idea. You’re a little breathless, it’s just that good.
2. You sit down to write. But before you put fingers to keyboard, you decide to research who else has written about your topic, juuuuust in case.
3. You read and read. You make notes on what others are saying about your topic. You start getting a touch grumpy as you begin to believe you don’t know anything about this stuff after all.
4. You start to try write in your voice. It’s feeling stilted because the wind’s out of your sails. Then your saboteur voices take over: “no one’s going to read YOUR take on this topic when they can listen to THEIR take on the topic”, and “everyone’s going to know you’re a fake”.
5. You back away from the computer and put your attention elsewhere. You know intellectually that this should refresh you.
6. You come back annoyed that you haven’t posted this damned thing yet. You soften the tone of the piece to make it more palatable for a broader audience.
7. You close your eyes and press “publish” and think it’s shit.
8. No one reads it (you know this because you obsess over blog traffic), which you hold to be confirmation that you’re not a very good writer and CERTAINLY not an authority on this or any topic.
9. Rinse and repeat.

Not overly surprising that with a pattern this you’re not writing as often as you’d like.

Here’s  the thing about pattern-busting stuff. It feels scary. This pattern has been your default for, like, forever. And busting ANYTHING has a quality of mayhem and debris.

So let’s take it down a notch and woo-woo it up by calling it pattern “shifting”.

Make shifts happen

Now consider how you can make any number of incremental shifts at any given step in the above sequence. Not necessarily radical stuff, just manageable tweaks to your approach. One or many. (NB that the examples below are not intended to be sequential…that would be crazy talk).

For instance step #1 could be deciding WHO you’re writing this piece for. If it’s you, great. If it’s your readers, fab. If it’s for your future publisher, exquisite. Get clear. This will impact the outcome. You’ll notice that immediately when you get to step #2. It may even have you skipping that step.

In step #3, perhaps you decide to research only the ONE person you know or suspect is the master voice on this topic and reference them in your post. Or ask to interview them. This may become a video and the start of something great. Who knows?

Take #4. You might decide to press post when the saboteurs are the loudest. If they’re that loud you MUST be on to something good.

Maybe the “elsewhere” in #5 is writing about something new, like say, how crappy #4 is?

In #6 maybe you ramp up your tone (not down).

Maybe you DON’T press publish in #7. Maybe you pitch the piece entirely. (Oooh, what’s THAT feel like?)

Make any ONE of these shifts and #8 will look a lot different.

No way, no how am I suggesting that any of these are the RIGHT new paths…nor are they wrong. They’re just different from what the pattern’s been to date. What I am pointing to is that you don’t need to make a radical detour to impact the outcome. One shift can unravel, short-circuit, and destabilize any pattern…no matter how strong the hold it’s had on your life to date.

That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

So, next time you notice a pattern, write it out. Mindmap it. Scribble it. Draw it. Whatever works for you to get it out where you can see it.

Brainstorm possible shifts for every step. As subtle or as loud as you like. Then try one or two shifts next time you get your super-hot, sweat-inducing fabulous blog post idea (or decide to lose weight or draft a budget, or, or, or).

Notice how easy that was. Notice and enjoy the newness of this outcome. Notice that you get to continue to recalibrate. Notice the power’s back where we like it. In YOUR hands.

***********************

Please share in the comments YOUR experience with changing patterns in your life, with huge thanks!

“If I ___________________(launch this product/ ship this offering/ start my business/ say no), EVERYONE will think I’m _________________(too big for my britches/ out of my league/ an idiot/ a loser/ a geek/ a failure).”

So, best to not ______________(launch/ ship/ start/ say no). Right?

Hmm. I wonder.

Who is this EVERYONE of which we speak?

Let’s try this exercise* in clarity:
A) Name 5 people who might actually think you launching/ shipping/ starting/ saying no is indeed the most idiotic/ lamest/ geekiest/ thing to do.

B) Now, name 5 people who fully support your desire to launch/ ship/ start/ say no so you can say yes.

Got them named? Great. Now. Looking at the names in groups A and B: who do you really like? Who do you really admire? Who’s got your back? Who do you trust? Who would you invite to a dinner party with your loved ones?

Noticing something? Noticing that you’re starting to care a little less what group A thinks? Noticing that they’re feeling a little less “real”…like somehow the work of your own saboteurs?

If you’re not there yet, and still jonesing for the elusive approval of group A, let me tell you some good and bad news about them.

The bad news: they don’t care. They’ve got their own navels to admire.

The good news: they don’t care. They’ve got their own navels to admire.

So now…what are you going to do? Heed your heart’s call by getting out of your own way so you can launch/ ship/ say no so you can say yes? Yes, I thought as much. We’ll be here…cheering you from the sidelines with your supportive group B peeps.

Go on then…everyone’s waiting.

________________________________________
* Devotional props to Pam Slim for shedding light on this piece of brilliance from Martha Beck. Simple and powerful, as all bits of genius are.

Of the many, MANY things I am grateful for in my life, having an abundance of inspiring women around me rates pretty high. Their gifts fill my heart, soul and mind.  {Allow me to state this: I am blessed to be surrounded by many men I adore and whom inspire…howevs, it IS International Women’s Day, so, I’m sticking with my sisters.}

Inspiration  = in + spirare (latin for breath). And it is sooooo important to breathe, isn’t it?

When I am a quart low of inspiration, these are the women I turn to. You see, I believe that inspiration is all around us. It taps you on the shoulder all the time – you just may choose to ignore it. Stated more prettily:

Inspiration is very polite. She knocks softly and then goes away if we don’t answer. -  Mary Pipher

So I am pretty intentional about going out and huffing it in when I need it, like a sleep-deprived travelling salesman at an oxygen bar. I fill up my lungs with the good stuff.

Some of my sources of inspiration, you’ll not meet on-line. And how they inspire me may not be of interest to anyone else. Like my Mom for teaching me that living joyfully is really the only sensible way (more on her teachings in The Joy Pages, over on the right hand side of this site), or my sister for showing me the grace in contentment.  Or my beloved clients for the bravery they show in their desire to step boldly into their best selves. Or my Mother-in-Law for epitomizing commitment. Or my Aunt for being a beacon of strength. Or my close friends for the meaning of unconditional love. Or my daughter for the reminder to slow down even as she grows at a breakneck speed.

Apart from my Future Self, here are my sources of inspiration that you CAN find on-line:

When I need to explore wholeheartedness, I breathe in Brené Brown.

When I need courage, I breathe in Lisa Chandler.

When I need to some wide-eyed wonder, I breathe in Teresa Deak.

When I need a shot of whip-smart sassiness, I breathe in Kelly Diels.

When I need a model of “no” AND of generosity, I breathe in Danielle LaPorte.

When I need to find soul-nourishing beauty, I breathe in Jamie Ridler.

When I need to know resilience and “never-too-latedness”, I breathe in Debra Eve.

When I need nice (ONE of my favourite four-letter words), I breathe in Carrie Klassen.

When I need to remember to savour AND serve, I breathe in Jen Louden.

When I need to find the middle ground between heart and mind, I breathe in Laura McGrath.

When I need to be return to the feminine essence, I breathe in Dara McKinley.

When I need to see the power in vulnerability, I breathe in Lindsey Mead.

When I need to be reminded about what wonders are available to all beyond the cubicle, I breathe in Pam Slim.

When I need to bring back the fabulous, I breathe in Katia Millar.

When I need to see the value in connectedness, I breathe in Tia Singh.

When I need some bombastic instigation, I breathe in Dyana Valentine.

Please do find them. Soak in their goodness, their teachings and then, breathe out. Energized and inspired.

Kind of like love and money, inspiration is meant to be shared. My request is this: take a moment to share in the comments which women inspire YOU.

And then, just because it will feel so damned good: tell them.

It’s starting to happen. Approaching seven years old, my daughter’s becoming preoccupied with what others think of her. And what they think is starting to inform her choices. She no longer chooses to wear her cute and kicky hats indoors. No one else wears them, after all.

That pre-historic amygdala at the base of her brain is starting to run the show. It tells her, in its lizard-y rasp:

“Keep your head down, kid. Take your hat off. Fit in. Play with those girls even if they’re mean because they’re cool. Put down the salmon and pick up the cheese pizza (I mean, seriously…what’s WRONG with you? All kids like cheese pizza and French fries). Pretend you’re crushing on Justin. All girls your age like him. Above all else, fit in. For the love of God, Child. FIT. IN.”

Excruciatingly painful to watch.

Because all I want, as her Mama, is for her to recognize and love herself as her own person. As she is. For her to not need/want to be “less than”, “more than” or anything “other than” the wonder that she is. Naturally.

And if I’m being honest, I want the world to appreciate her for all that she is…without insisting that she fit in.

I wish the same, of course, for myself.

I have made countless choices in my own life that have been informed by my own lizard brain:  I have used a voice that wasn’t my own; shared opinions that weren’t my own; exhibited styles that weren’t my own; and professed love that wasn’t my own. Every one of these choices has led me down a path of discontent, all in the name of fitting in.

Fitting in with whom, I am not sure. With the cool kids, I guess. Fitting in to what end, I am less sure. So no one will see me for the magnificence that I am? Meh, that doesn’t sound like me. Besides, we’re all cool kids in someone else’s eyes.

Here’s what I’m learning:

I think that fundamentally we don’t want to fit in. I think fundamentally we want to be appreciated for who we are. In fact, I suspect that is our deepest desire.

Try this on for size and see how IT fits:

“I’m different. And I like it.”

No screaming hand-waving LOOK-AT-ME-AND-HOW-CRAZY-OUT-THERE-DIFFERENT-I-AM. Just different. Naturally so.

A final thought. Next time you feel pulled to be other than (less than, more than) glorious YOU, take a moment to pause. Breathe. Then ask yourself these two questions: “What do I REALLY want here?” and “How do I want to show up?”

I bet that quiets ye olde lizard brain. It detests those questions (the ones that bring you out of your head and into your heart).

Then please come back here and tell us in the comments what shifted.

That’s the work. It starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with my kid.

Off we go…wearing our kickiest hats.