You know I love me some Danielle LaPorte. Told you so here, here, here and here. In my mind, she is THE High Priestess of Passion Persuasion and a sublimely generous friend. So when I decided to dive into the realm of Thing Finding, there was zero doubt who I’d be contacting for an interview. This was actually recorded a good while ago, but like all things golden, it has stood the test of time.
When I was asked to review this latest tome of gorgeousness, I said this:
“It’s a rich buffet of ideas, tools and resources, delivered with soulful practicality and sizzling pragmatism.”
I still say that.
In this video, we talk about wooing your thing, how gratitude can be used as key evidence in the process, the killer of thing-finding {spoiler alert: comparison}, and you’ll bear witness to her best impression of a saboteur (not to be missed). She’ll also share with you (drum roll, please) THE FORMULA.
Enjoy.
Interview with Danielle LaPorte for Thing Finding Thursday
How delightful is this woman, I ask you? Time spent in her presence, time spent in her words, is like time spent at an old-school Nordic spa for the mind. Hot submersion then cold plunge, then back to off-the charts heat again. Invigorating and ultimately oh-so restorative. And do you see what I mean about her flagrant generosity? Now please go ahead and spread the love inherent in her wisdom with your peeps, will you?
Tweetworthy Danielle-isms (for your sharing pleasure)
Practicality and passion are a wicked combo. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
Go on a comparison diet. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
Take the charge out of finding your genius. Like, what makes you happy? – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH#TFThurs
There is nothing original out there. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH#TFThurs
We are not doers, we are deciders (from the Book of Runes) via @DanielleLaporte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH#TFThurs
I don’t get off on failure. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH#TFThurs
Appreciate what you have. That’s the formula. – @DanielleLaPorte to @TanyaGeisler http://ow.ly/8cIhH #TFThurs
Transcript of edited interview (for your reading pleasure)
Tanya: So something that you have written always, always, always piqued my curiosity and got my juices going. The enthusiasm is the genuine yes that will uncork your genius. That’s sublime. I absolutely love that.
Danielle: It’s so juicy. You’re so uncorked anyhow.
Danielle: Well, I think first you need to believe that you have genius. That’s sort of half the journey. I know it’s in there somewhere. I haven’t uncorked it. I haven’t stumbled across it. I’m certainly not making any money off of it yet, but it’s in there somewhere. So just believe that it’s in there somewhere. I’m often telling people that whatever is showing up in your life in the form of gratitude, people being grateful for you and appreciating and thanking you, whatever you’re getting thanks for is an indication of whatever your gift is or your genius.
What are people showing their gratitude for? When do you feel no sense of time? When do you look up from whatever you’re doing, whether it’s baking cookies or writing a blog post or tinkering with something, and five hours have gone by and you don’t remember how you got there? That’s the sign of being in the flow as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says. Aren’t you impressed that I can say his name?
Tanya: So impressed.
Danielle: So those are some indicators. I think we also need to take the charge out of finding our genius and just start in a gentle way like what makes you happy. Soft and happy. Just start there.
Tanya: I think that that sometimes scares that away, you know, this whole energy of like bigness, bigness, bigness. So I think that that’s possible that there is a bit of a story. What if it’s more just kind of a whisper? Do you know?
Danielle: Yes. And it can be more than a whisper. It can still feel hot, electric and juicy, but it doesn’t mean you need to go make money on it necessarily. It would be great. I mean, I’m aiming for the ideal that that’s what you can do. It doesn’t mean you need to launch it or go back to school. So I think if we just take the expectations off of finding out what it is it will help us get there sooner. It’s like falling in love, right? Are you the guy? Or it’s like the old Dr. Seuss story, “Dr. Seuss, are you my mother?” He doesn’t find his mother until he’s just hanging out. Do you know?
Tanya: Yeah.
Danielle: Yeah. You let it go and then, poop, it will pop up.
Tanya: What are things that people are coming up against as they try to woo their thing?
Danielle: As they try to woo their thing? That’s such a great – Oh, comparison. It’s toxic. It’s a killer. Don’t do it. It goes like this. What I want to say has already been said. Her brand is like my brand. She got there, he got there to market before I did. Who am I to do this? I’m not qualified. They have more qualifications. They, they, they, they, they. Guess what? You’re an original just because it’s all coming through your lens, your perspective, your voice, your experience, your drive, your level of interest. So nobody has said what you’re going to say. By the way, there is nothing original out there. It’s been said. What I’m saying, what I say on WhiteHotTruth.com it’s perennial stuff. You can find lots of teachers that talk about it. But nobody talks about it in the way I do. So comparison sucks. Just stop and knock it off. Just go on a comparison diet.
Fears in wooing stuff. Well, there is the what if I fail? Just make a decision and do it. Just decide. Just do. There is a great saying from the book of the Runes, “We are not doers, we are deciders, and once we decide the doing becomes easy.” So doing something and making a mistake is superior, underlined, italicized, to not doing anything. Now that doesn’t mean you don’t have to wait some things out and everything, especially business, so much to do with timing. But you do something and you fail, you will still be further ahead. Even if you’re in the hole financially, you will still be further ahead.
You will have more courage. You will have more faith. You will have more acumen. You will have more contacts at the bank. You will have more resources for your next thing. Just do something. Find out. And in that regard, quit soon and fail fast. If it sucks, leave it. Of course, there is time. I mean, everything I talk about is contradiction. So let’s get that on the table.
Tanya: Love it.
Danielle: Of course there are times where you persist and you endure and all that stuff. But if it’s not working, can it and leave it. Seth Godin in his book, The Dip, about this, “Winners quit sooner.”
Danielle: I also have a contradiction to that.
Tanya: Bring it.
Danielle: Fail fucking sucks. I want to be clear that my focus here is about executing. It’s about creating. It’s about doing so you can go on. Failure is often part of it, but it’s not – Some entrepreneurs get off on their failures. I don’t get off on failure. I have learned a lot more from my successes than I have from my failures for sure.
Danielle: Do I have a saboteur? Yes. Yes, I do. I’ve never articulated so we’re having a live moment here. I can tell you my saboteur are all those little – I really dislike them. I need to be careful here. My saboteur is a 30 something, Adidas wearing, running show wearing, geek, social media addicted guy from Silicon Valley. He is a bit spiritually vacant and highly fucking cynical. That personality, that kind of avatar is my saboteur. So sometimes I think I’m being too spiritual or I’m not being grounded or, yeah, too out there, too Abraham Hicks. Is that guy behind me going, “this doesn’t work in the real world?” Do you know what I say to him? I say, “You haven’t been properly hugged in months, mister. You probably have sex like a robot.” And you know know what I got is hot. And that’s how I deal with my saboteur. I tell him to go fuck himself.
Tanya: Oh my goodness.
Danielle: Yeah, that crowd scares me definitely. But I’m almost over it.
Tanya: Sorry, I’m not finding – That’s really, really good. I just got to tell you, I wanted to hug him too. I just wanted to hug him too like he needs to be properly hugged like heart to heart, man.
Danielle: Saboteurs they really need love. They’re just coming to the table. Love me.
Tanya: Do you have any final desire for our viewers, people who are picking up what’s my thing? What do you want for them, Danielle?
Danielle: Don’t quit your day job. It is your birthright to have your thing. Be practical about your passion. Practicality and passion are a wicked combo. It’s perfectly alright to want to be happy the majority of the time and it can be done.
Tanya: Yeah.
Danielle: Appreciate what you have. That’s the formula. You want to find your thing. You want to move ahead. You want velocity. You need to appreciate everything that’s going on in your life right now. You need to appreciate that you have a bitchy boss. You need to appreciate the money that you are making. You need to appreciate that you’re stuck. You need to see the beauty in the people that you’re working with.
You need to realize, and if you’re watching this, you probably live in the western world. The fact that you’re watching this on the computer means you have the democratic choice to do that and the financial means to do that. So I’ll leave it on this note. Whatever you got going you got it good. Be grateful for it. When you appreciate that, you will attract more into your life to be appreciative for. It just gets better.
Created by Tanya on May 13, 2011 | Categories: Uncategorized
As I write this, I am on a bumpy flight home from NYC after attending the awe-inspiring Selling Your Soul love-fest thrown by the sublime Danielle LaPorte and the sass-tastic Marie Forleo.
If you run in the same blog-reading circles as I do, you’ll read tons of great stuff about the shin-dig in the coming days. It will all be true. Danielle and Marie are BRILLIANT. They know their genius. They know what their people want…and they deliver. Profound R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
D+M will be releasing a digital version of the juicy content covered later in the summer, so I’ll not be dishing any of their delicious goods here. You can sign up for the info about the digital soul product here. And you really want to.
Howevah. Here’s what I WILL dish on as it’s coming up for me as we barrel through turbulence (or, as the captain of this craft so delicately stated: “a patch of air”). It feels important.
I had some time to myself on Wednesday afternoon. By design, I am seldom alone. I generally prefer the company of, well, company.
So I decided to sink into the rarity of this opportunity. Sunny afternoon in Manhattan + nowhere to be + dead iPhone = perfect people-watching conditions.
As I watched the hustle and the bustle of all manners of folks, I made up stories about them based on their shoes, expressions, age, posture etc. And I wondered what made them tick. I wondered what was universally true for everyone that passed by. I made wild generalizations. It passed the time and I felt quite a bit less alone. Mission accomplished.
—–
The next day, at Selling Your Soul, I savoured the off-the-charts energy of 140 other Lovelies. I listened to the heartful questions that were asked of Danielle and Marie about passion, profit and purpose. And some of those stories that I had made up on 5th and Broadway started to crystallize.
I’ve talked before about the myth of everyone. Now here’s what I am starting to believe to be the immutable truth about everyone.
Everyone does indeed have their own brand of genius.
Everyone feels fear.
Everyone is trying their best.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone wants to know their value.
Everyone wants to be recognized.
Everyone wants to make a difference.
Everyone has a story.
Everyone wants to be acknowledged.
Everyone has pain.
Everyone wants freedom.
Everyone has something that needs to be released.
Everyone desires more (and less).
Everyone feels they may not be enough.
Everyone is afraid to make the leap.
Everyone wants love.
Everyone cares about how they show up.
Everyone has doubts.
Everyone has someone else they look up to.
Everyone wants to deliver.
Everyone has money “stuff”.
Everyone has it goin’ on in someone else’s eyes.
Everyone has a hunger.
This is you. This is your clients. This is your partner. This is all of us.
You are not alone.
So keep on going.
Because you are needed. You, yes YOU, are needed. Oh yes.
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Know what my personal brand of genius is? Helping people find their THING. And then help them rock it out. I’m taking three more clients into my coaching practice before my rates go up at the end of May, 2011. Are you one of them? Click here.
Created by Tanya on March 7, 2011 | Categories: Uncategorized
Of the many, MANY things I am grateful for in my life, having an abundance of inspiring women around me rates pretty high. Their gifts fill my heart, soul and mind. {Allow me to state this: I am blessed to be surrounded by many men I adore and whom inspire…howevs, it IS International Women’s Day, so, I’m sticking with my sisters.}
Inspiration = in + spirare (latin for breath). And it is sooooo important to breathe, isn’t it?
When I am a quart low of inspiration, these are the women I turn to. You see, I believe that inspiration is all around us. It taps you on the shoulder all the time – you just may choose to ignore it. Stated more prettily:
Inspiration is very polite. She knocks softly and then goes away if we don’t answer. - Mary Pipher
So I am pretty intentional about going out and huffing it in when I need it, like a sleep-deprived travelling salesman at an oxygen bar. I fill up my lungs with the good stuff.
Some of my sources of inspiration, you’ll not meet on-line. And how they inspire me may not be of interest to anyone else. Like my Mom for teaching me that living joyfully is really the only sensible way (more on her teachings in The Joy Pages, over on the right hand side of this site), or my sister for showing me the grace in contentment. Or my beloved clients for the bravery they show in their desire to step boldly into their best selves. Or my Mother-in-Law for epitomizing commitment. Or my Aunt for being a beacon of strength. Or my close friends for the meaning of unconditional love. Or my daughter for the reminder to slow down even as she grows at a breakneck speed.
Apart from my Future Self, here are my sources of inspiration that you CAN find on-line:
When I need to explore wholeheartedness, I breathe in Brené Brown.
Created by Tanya on November 30, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized
Danielle (around these parts, the “LaPorte” isn’t necessary) recently wrote about visualizing your dream as a done deal rather than mere possibility. Single minded, cosmically-charged manifestations of the highest order.
Hell’s yes!! Scrumptious.
So, you’re clear…you know your thing:
You want to be the makeup artist to the stars. OR,
Create new technologies for clean-burning stoves for developing nations. OR,
Own your own TV network. OR,
Write award-winning children’s books.
And you know you’ll get there. You see it as a “done deal”, bright as day. Fan-freakin-tastic, Rock Star! Buckle up…it’s gonna be a wild and memorable ride to hotness!!
Now.
What if you DON’T know what your thing is?
Ah.
Hear that? Me too. Sounds like crickets.
Huh.
No one likes to talk about this. But let’s do it anyways. In fact, let’s do some clearing.
Kind of annoying, isn’t it? Everyone all over Facebook and the twittosphere loving what they’re doing, their success assured while there YOU are slaving away at a job you don’t much care for, KNOWING there must be something more for you yet not knowing what it is. Besides…it pays pretty well, so…no reason to rock the boat, right?
And yet, you keep kind of searching. I mean, really. Everyone else really does seem a lot more fulfilled professionally. You deserve that same, right? Self-development-types feeding you trivialities about living your values and tapping into your strengths and focus, but you keep coming up short. Much to the glee of your saboteurs who cackle: “how long are you gonna dabble in this and that before you decide to give up on finding your THING?”, “you’re 44…isn’t it time you figured this out?”. ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!
Done clearing?
Here’s another fundamental belief I hold to be sacred:
You have a “thing”.
In fact, I know you have many, MANY things, but I know you have IT. And IT wants to come out; to be noticed; and, to be loved into greatness.
But the environment is hostile, isn’t it? Kind of like a creepy Steven King circus. From time to time, your thing whispers to you that it wants to peek out. And then the “that’s never gonna happen, fool” saboteur shuts it down with the slam of a whack-a-mole mallet. Or the mocking question “HOW?” dances before you in that surreally distorted way of the fun-house mirrors.
So your thing retreats. Again. ‘Cause it’s not stupid, your thing.
And the “you’re too old to figure this out” saboteurs continue to have their way with you.
Bullshit.
You are not too old. Not by one single day.
Every experience you’ve ever had your entire life has led you here. It’s a time for exploration, for introspection. For digging deep and getting quiet. For powerful questions…like, “what’s possible?”
Send your saboteurs on a vomitous roller coaster ride while you commune with your thing on the tunnel of love. It may take some time. It needs to learn to trust you after all the thing-bashing that’s been going on. Sit with what COULD be and bask in the luxuriousness of what comes up. Don’t judge what DOESN’T come up. It may need more time still. Forcing it ain’t gonna work for your thing. That’s been proven. You may want to phone-a-friend, have a Board of Your Life session or talk to a coach. Asking for help = power.
Your thing is possibly a late bloomer, and the point is, under nurturing conditions, it WILL bloom when it’s good and ready. And when it’s ready, it will reward you with the most intoxicating fragrance. I promise you that.
Then you can chart your course to “done deal”. And when you choose to get bogged down in “how” remember that your Future Self has some pretty cool perspectives about your path.
To visualize “done”, you’ll need to open up yourself to what’s possible first.
Enjoy the unfolding.
Then you’d better buckle up, too, Rock Star. Your very own cosmic super highway to greatness awaits.
Created by Tanya on August 20, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized
How woo-woo is the title of this post is? I mean, really. Tea? With my “Future Self”?
Yet, there it is. Because I’m sharing this part of me in service of you.
Here’s why.
I love reading people’s letters to their 20-year old selves. If they knew then what they know now…that sort of thing. And as much as I feel like I could tell 20 year-old Tanya (“enjoy shooters now because you’ll find them repulsive soon”), I’m more interested in what 20-years-from-now Tanya has to say about things. She’s one smart cookie, that Tanya.
I know this because I’ve “met” her. Over a year ago in coach training with CTI…we did a Future Self visualization that blew me away. I saw, quite clearly, the woman I will be in 20 years. She is the sum of who I’m becoming.
The z in the formula x + y= z. And she’s got it going ON.
When faced with a tough choice, I’ll check in with my Future Self and just know what she’d do. Course corrected, wrong righted, inspiration reignited.
Given my propensity to interview inspiring people (Ray, Danielle, Krystyn, Dyana, and Emma, to name a few), I thought I’d do the same here with my Mother-of-All-Inspiration, my Future Self.
Here we go…cue the dream sequence music and wavy picture.
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I walk up the front walk way of a stunning home. Gardenias in full bloom…peppery floral scent sweetens the air. The door opens before I can knock it. 57 year-old Future Self Tanya knew I was coming.
There she is: Empress-like in her posture, a wicked gleam of fun in her eyes and warmth in her smile. We hug (heart to heart…the only way a hug counts).I notice she still wears our necklace.
In the living room, I settle in to a comfy armchair and take in the space. It’s Dwell meets French country. Reclaimed plank floors are scattered with Persian rugs. Pictures on the impressive mantle tell of a life of family, fun and travel. Colourful abstract art adorns every white wall.
She pours me a cup of tea (Mariage Frères, natch). A little milk and a little sugar. She takes hers black (I wonder when that happened).
(2010 me) – So, you look pretty happy here in 2030. How did we get here?
(Future Self) – You can call it following your heart, your north star, your values, your passion, your truth and it would all be correct.
I call it following my intuition. In 57 years, it has yet to steer us wrong.
And good people. We have very good people.
What am I doing now at 37 that is setting us up for where you are now? I guess I’m asking what you’re proud of me for doing in 2010?
Am proud of so much.
That you started to really respect cash and learned to be with money rather than without money.
That you decided not to let your weight control you (as much as you want to control your weight).
That you do your work with joy in your heart. And that you decided late in 2009 to only work with partners and clients that you really wanted to work with.
That you always smile at strangers.
That you realized that life balance is like an oasis – appealing from afar and yet ever elusive. Kind of dull too, frankly…always the same palm tree and pond. That you realized an alive life is what you wanted and would fight for.
That you stopped living for others, but continued to love them fiercely.
That you do love fiercely.
That you learned to say “no” so you could make room for so many “yes’s”. And there’s more work there for you too, Darling.
What do I need to let go of?
Needing to be right. It’s wrinkle-inducing. You’ll always LIKE to be right (that hasn’t changed) but it’s no longer a need.
The fact that not everyone will like and agree with you. It’s so much more than okay.
Mistrust…of others, but mostly of your own sweet self and your decision-making.
The “shoulds”…fully and completely. Recognize that they are like cigarettes – addictive and smelly at the same time.
Quantity. You’ve always known quality is where it’s at, so sink into it. In everything.
Do you think I should do the project that I’ve been invited to do?
You’re reluctant to because you don’t see it as being aligned with your path. And it may not be,as you see it. Yet the partner that you are considering to co-create it with is the right one. This could be a fun process with unexpected outcomes.
What does it mean to have a life of no regret?
To live a life free of regret is to be free of regret. Simple. It’s a wasted emotion…and there are so many other, juicier emotions to be with. It’s self-indulgent goop. We don’t do that anymore. We dropped that as a gift to ourselves when we turned 40.
What do you still do that we used to do at 16?
Eat cookie dough.
Belt out Trooper’s “We’re here for a good time (not a long time)” when I hear it like it’s my job.
Where else in my life can I be digging in deeper right now?
The success is coming. So you can stop fretting about that.
Take that found energy and spend more sacred time with your family and friends. Be patient with Dad. You’ll be glad you did.
At home, play lots more. More puddles, more balloons, more “cooking classes”, more ant-watching.
Final question, when did we start to drink our tea black?
Great story. Funny as hell…but I’ll let you find out for yourself. Let’s just say it happened en route to India.
I thank her for the visit, and we hug again. Like friends who’ll be seeing each other soon.
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Back here in 2010, I am inspired and recharged. And I am clear about what my next steps are regarding the project. Crystal clear.
PS – If you feel like you could use your Future Self as a resource for yourself (and you probably could), I HIGHLY recommend doing CTI’s visualization. It’s not mine to reproduce, so I won’t, but I WILL do a conference call and lead you through it at a date and time TBD. If you’re interested, email me (and write Future Self in the subject line).
Created by Tanya on June 8, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized
I love a good challenge. In fact, I sometimes even co-design them. And I rarely back away from a good one. Rarely.
And yesterday, I almost did.
Last week, my family had the snot kicked out of it with some fabulous news delivered in a crap wrap. Much more on this later. (Dramatics aside, we are fine, together and with the exception of an unrelated sprained ankle, all healthy).
I’d been hearing about Bindu Wiles’ (fabulous Brooklyn-based Buddhist Writing Coach) ”21.5.800” community project: yoga and writing. While these are two of my favourite things, I am master of neither. (Ooooh…I LOVE the smell of possibility in the morning!)
The challenge: for 21 days, do 5 days of yoga a week and 800 words of writing per day.
Problem was, given that I’d allowed myself to be bullied into a corner by the crap-tastic news last week, I didn’t jump in to the challenge. I demurred. I abstained. I sat on the fence.
Then I did the math and it went something like this:
Resonant (read: exciting) challenge + awe-inspiring group of participants (Julie, Danielle, Dian, Hiro, Lianne, Jen, Marianne, Tia, Kelly, Andrew, Roseanne, Emma, and 230 OTHER coaches, writers, yoginis that I have yet to read/fall in love with) – being in a snot-kicked out of me kind of space = precisely what I need
So, I have jumped off the fence and am splashing around in the cool early June water. Refreshing and bracing.
Today is day 1. For the next 21 days, I’ll write 800 words a day…whatever I am moved to write (blog posts, strat/comm plan, workshops, journal and anything else that is begging to be expressed) and practice yoga 5 times a week. It will nourish me, heal me and should I find myself in the Dastardly Dip, I’ll know what to do.
I’m number 181 in the growing list of participants. Will you be next? What might it give you? Bindu’s made it easy for you to start wherever you are.
Created by Tanya on May 12, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized
If you haven’t already, you will be hearing a LOT from Danielle LaPorte. She is the screaming-hot doyenne of fire-starting businesses and truths.
I’ve been eagerly anticipating her Fire Starter Sessions (digital book-meets-video seminar) for some time and my happy inbox received it yesterday. I cleared my afternoon calendar, intent on devouring the whole tome over a pot or two of tea. Once I got settled in my favourite chair with cat and blanket on my lap, it became QUITE apparent that this was not an issue of a glossy mag to be flipped through, stunning as it may be.
Every page is rich, rich, RICH in intersecting resources, ideas and strategy. Glorious multimedia: audio, videos, workbooks, oh my. And the words….poetry in power. Truth bombs rang in my ears long after I put it down. Like, say:
You can be modest and powerful.
Being well-rounded is highly overrated.
Face forward. We want to look ahead with you. Look backwards, and you lose us. The past is never as relevant as we might think it is.
Your most valuable currency is what comes most naturally to you.
Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have. Acting on generating those feelings is the most creative thing you can do with your life.
Money: more is more. enough is plenty. (Heck, she’ll even show you her fiscals, because, as she puts it: “We can‘t give or receive if we‘re in hiding”. BOOOOOM!!!!)
So. Enough gushing from me. Treat your business and yourself to The Fire Starter Sessions. You can buy it here (and I make some money on your purchase as an affiliate…her genius idea, naturellement) or there (I don’t make money and that’s cool too…quite simply, good ideas need to be spread around).
And IF you want to get to know Danielle better (and you really, REALLY do!), you can read the e-terview I did with her in November of last year. Back then she said it was one of her favourite interviews. I blushed, well, ‘cause that’s what you do when your girl crush compliments you.
Here it is again:
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Danielle LaPorteis one of those people who makes you happy to be alive, you know? To celebrate living and being in truth, integrity and honour.
If you don’t know her (yet), she is (among many things) the creator of whitehottruth.com (a resource I devour heartily), author, speaker and commentator on the national CBC TV show, Connect With Mark Kelley. And oh so much more.
I’ve joyously connected with her several times (at her speaking engagements; a Fire Starter group in Toronto; and, an unforgettable phone session that I reflect upon frequently) and every time, I feel a touch more invincible, a bit taller and a hell of a lot more focused. She is gracious with her experience, her wisdom and her desire to help others succeed.
She hearts entrepreneurs and we heart her.
She generously (she’s like that) offered to be e-terviewed by me some time ago and, she is as much a woman of her word as she is a woman of her truth.
Whooshkamama.
The Quintessential Questions
My belief is that the disconnect between truth and lies that we tell ourselves is the basic difference between holding oneself back and holding oneself higher…whether we’re listening to our own truths or our own lies. You write about white hot truths…in the most sublime fashion. And I’m curious:
What was a lie that you told yourself that was holding you back for a good long time (in coaching, we call these voices that like to keep us safe and small “saboteurs”)?
I used to think that I needed business partners. That to really take my place as a leader, a voice, a minister of my rockin’ truth would have been a bit uh, arrogant, that it was more “evolved” to be “collaborative.” Of course that didn’t do anybody any ultimate good. I’m a Lone Ranger, and once I owned that, I was of greater service to everyone. And I laughed a lot more. A LOT more.
Bonus points if you have a characterization of your saboteur (i.e.Nick the Nihilist who always says “no, you can’t do that”)
I used to have a super ego named Starshyne McBalance. In all her 80’s New Age wisdom she had me repress a lot of power and pragmatism in the name of harmonic convergence and “keeping the peace.”
How did you turf that mo-fo out but good?
I learned the hard way. I’d “spiritualized” (read: sugar-coated, denied, made crap behavior “understandable”) so much for so long that when it all came tumbling down, it was clear that I needed to put accountability and integrity closer to the top of my “things I most value in my self and fellow humans” list. And at that point, my New Age alter ego knew she had to fend for herself. She’s working in an Ashram gift store in Idaho, hiding from creditors.
What’s the whitest, hottest, truth that you know?
Everything is progress.
What’s the blackest, coldest, lie that most people that you meet are living?
That they’re not worthy.
Do you have a physical reaction to a lie? (Note: if I feel one, in myself or one unrequited near me, I have an urge for a cigarette…so blessedly, it is rare).
When I know I’m being lied to by someone else, I get really quiet, like a Panther. And then I decide whether I’m going to pounce or prattle off. I’m usually just stunned when people lie, it just seems so, so…antiquated and violent.
What do you BELIEVE to be true but are still working on validating?
I’m actually working on believing less. Deconstructionism. It’s fun.
Is there a tension between the white hot truth-teller that you are (so gloriously) for AND the fact that you are (at your core) a self-proclaimed introvert? Please separate that collapsed distinction for us who think you must be one OR the other.
I am both and that’s that. That’s where I am in my life, a new place of is-ness. Okay, but to unpack it…it has helped me to find other freaks like myself to identify with, Thomas Merton for one. He was a remarkably devoted monk who craved the solitude that monastic life guaranteed. And…he loved the adulation that his essays and lectures brought. He also took liberties with a number of his vows, particularly the one about celibacy. My kinda guy.
What is the one thing that ALWAYS makes you giggle? (note: for me it’s the word ”fart”. I am a hit with kindergartners).
My husband has this annoyingly-endearing way of kissing up to me after I just wigged out on him about something. Smoochie koochie stuff that gets me giggling every time.
There is one truth that will set us all free from our own lies. What is it, DL?
I’m going to lean on Krishnamurti for this one. “Truth is a pathless land.”
Structures, and our lives and psyches are fraught with them, get between us and our knowing so often. Fewer rules. Deeper feelings.
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Accountability, giggliness, integrity, feeling, honesty, ambition, love, generosity, kindness, progress…these words make my heart sing. See why I dig this woman so much? You will too…just go and find her:
Created by Tanya on January 15, 2010 | Categories: Uncategorized
{This is about as personal a post as I’ve written…if you don’t feel like you need to take on anyone else’s sadness this week, perhaps you could check back with me next week…in the meantime, you may want to check out this link for a list of reputable charities vetted by CNN and reportedly respected by NGOs. Thank you for coming by. Peace, love and please hug your people}.
Like most citizens of the globe, I have spent the past couple of days feeling helpless, sad, angry, impotent and frustrated by the catastrophe in quake-ravaged Haiti. Each image we’re shown is more searing than the last and it’s nearly impossible to sustain the viewing for any amount of time.
Also like most citizens of the globe, I’ve texted money and made on-line donations…cash is needed badly. After the donations are made, I then sit back and wait to feel satiated by this token effort. Nothing happens. No moment of calm, no moment of pride, no moment of relief.
So, I stew in my discomfort. So many lives, so many dreams, so many children. Fear, pain, uncertainty, and panic. What do I know of these? Blessedly little.
Flitting and fretting and drinking herbal tea, I’ve haunted around the house long after the babe and husband have fallen asleep, gentle snores reminders of comfort and full bellies.
I try to put on my pragmatic hat and am unable to bear it for any length of time. The magnitude of loss defies rational explanation. Then I try to don my coach’s hat and look for different perspectives. Also a poor fit in this moment.
So I sip the tea and I wait for the powerlessness to wane.
(On Boxing Day, 2004, the tsunamis in the Indian Ocean killed 230,000 people in 14 countries. My mother was dying in hospital at the time and passed away on the 27th of December. I vaguely recall being saddened to hear the nurse who covered my mother’s face with linen had family in Indonesia but recall little beyond that. That is what happens in grief. We make it about us.)
Here I am, citizen of this world, seeing hundreds of thousands of lives shattered and what am I doing? Waiting to feel better…still making it about me. Normal, I suspect. And weak. So very very weak.
I’ve turned to Twitter for inspiration and have indeed been inspired by how that community has mobilized $$, creatively and compassionately. Beautiful to behold in its grassroots reach.
What I’ve also seen, is people saying “no” to feeling powerless and stepping into their power.
Danielle is spreading the word and the love and is donating a firestarter session for cash to Haiti (her firestarter session will knock your socks off)…this is her power.
Lisa is hosting a fundraising brunch. Her power is in connectivity.
There are thousands of others stepping into their power…going to ground zero, holding and nurturing. Healing and loving. Moving and digging.
My power lies in my ability to be grateful and capacity to love and be loved. This was a gift from my mother (she used to call me at my “important” advertising job to tell me, no matter WHAT I was doing at the time of the call – in a client meeting, having/giving a review etc – to tell me that she just saw the most beautiful butterfly and thought of me).
So, in honour of my power of gratitude: I am grateful today. My husband, child and I live under one sturdy roof. I am doing the work in this world that I love and I have a fridge full of food, money in the bank and live in a country rich in resources. I will spread this gratitude around, continue to make donations as I feel so moved and speak to my daughter about empathy and disaster in the language appropriate for a tender-hearted 5 year old. I will be where my clients need me to be and help them to find their power.
I would hug each and every one of you (heart to heart, as my mother taught me) if I thought that would heal in some way the massive amounts of pain that are palpable in this moment. It wouldn’t, but I don’t know what else to give.
Please step into your power, whatever it is…our neighbours need you.
Created by Tanya on December 28, 2009 | Categories: Uncategorized
I’ve just sent out a reflection tool to my clients. (I am happy to share it with you…email me if you’d like me to send you a copy). In it, I ask them to complete this sentence:
“For me, 2009 was the year of: ____________________”
I’ll start.
“For me, 2009 was the year of NEW.” – New business, new direction, new people, new challenges, new ventures, heck, even new definitions of new.
Inspired by Gwen Bell’s Best of 2009 series, I’m devoting this post to all the “Best new (to me)” things of 2009. So…here is my list. It bears repeating that each item ought to be prefaced with “Best new (to me)”…this is important to note as I really and truly roll a little behind the times…culturally-speaking, at least:
Web tool – Twitter. While I still regard this application as a family member that I only really want to hang out with when I have to (not that I have any of THOSE in my family tree…I mean it!!!), my social media strategist is helping me to see the light.
Song – Boa Sorte by Ben Harper and Vanessa da Mata. Chillingly sweet.
Taste sensation – Parmesan and chocolate chips. Now, trust me, this is not something I’ll eat with great frequency, but the Babe discovered it and I was mighty impressed with the sweet/savoury combo. I adore that experimenting with food seems to be a hereditary trait.
Realization – I can let things go without letting my self go. This is big and continues to be my work.
Article – Coach Buffet got some press in the national newspaper (hey…this is MY list, I can be self-promotional, can’t I?)
Blog – The Fluent Self. Havi Brooks is wicked clever and unabashed about setting boundaries.
City – Montreal. I’ve been countless times, BUT we did a houseswap for a weekend and really got to know the city…beyond just Biodome and the best place to get bagels.
Unpaid gig – Mentoring young entrepreneurs through YES. Supremely gratifying.
Challenge – Conceived in 2009, it will be executed in 2010…it is, (drum roll please) The Great Canadian Yoga Stretch in support of CNIB…stay tuned.
Launch party – Jacqueline Parker’s SoloMag launch at Brassaii.
Scheduling software – Tungle…makes booking one-off meetings ridiculously easy and makes the organizer look super swift. Love that.
Visual – Babe clasping her hands at her chest during the live performance of the Sound of Music. (It was especially poignant during “Climb Every Mountain” …my mom’s favourite)
Tea – Almond Sunset (yup, good ol’ Celestial Seasonings). I discovered this in Lisa’s living room with dark chocolate and invigorating conversation with some delightful women.
Source of inspiration – Ray Zahab. Have you read about this man? Incredible.
Form of self-expresssion – Yer readin’ it. I’ve just discovered (well, back in January, I guess) that I really really like to write. Brenda Ueland wrote: “I learned that you should feel when writing, not like Lord Byron on a mountain top, but like child stringing beads in kindergarten, – happy, absorbed and quietly putting one bead on after another.” I just so happen to enjoy beading too. And if my readers get something out of my writing, well, then what more could I ask for?
TV Show – Flight of the Conchords. Hi-freakin-larious. Fo’ shizzle (told you I was a little behind the times).
Memory – Bundled under cozy blankets on the dock up in Haliburton with my husband… snoring Babe draped over our laps, a lovely pinot grigio in one hand, bowl of popcorn nearby and millions of stars to be admired (21 of which were shooting). Expansive love.
Best new “you” – Every last one of my glorious and fearless clients. I wish I could name them all…in fact shout their names out from the highest mountain, but alas, confidentiality is sacred.
It was a curious year. Which is good, as I am a curious person.
2010 will be the year of MORE. I just know it…in fact, I just declared it. More travel, more time spent doing exactly what feels right, more of my “right” people. To make this space available, I will need to commit to “less” or certain things. More on “more” later.
Thank you for being here with me this past year. I wish you love and joy and I hope to see MORE of you in 2010.
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