There’s a lot of talk in the entrepreneurial ethers about what to do when people ask you for advice, or “to pick your brain”, from the position that these requests are a mild nuisance at best and inconsiderate at worst. It’s an interesting discussion and there are plenty of useful scripts being shared if this is a big issue for you and your business.

In my business and in my life, I don’t see it as an issue.

I am a firm proponent of boundaries.
I am also a firm proponent of asking for help.

The two are NOT mutually exclusive.

The wonderful thing about boundaries is that they actually create spaciousness and cohesion. My husband and I recently walked through a busy park that had at least six baseball diamonds filled with earnest kids and hollering parents. In the far corner of the park was a massive fenced-in area for dogs to tear around, sniff butts and roll around in the dandelion fluff with unbridled joy. Awesome to behold. Had there not been that dedicated space, there would have been some serious clash of species. Balls and mayhem, ahoy.

Good fences make good neighbours. – Robert Frost

And the wonderful thing about asking for help is that you often get what you need. Funny that.

I know myself that I wouldn’t be where I am today without having asked for help, requesting coffee dates, and in the early days, I may have even uttered the verboten words:: can I pick your brain?

Shun me, shuck me, burn me at the stake.

And, I totally get why this feels hot ‘n bothered right now.  It feels like we have less time to meet the needs of our clients, family, friends and colleagues without taking on additional appointments/correspondence with people we don’t know. (I suspect we could find more time in the day if we spent a little less of it in the aforementioned ethers, but I digress).

As much as I believe that we all deeply desire to help each other and to see one another succeed, I have CERTAINLY heard myself from time to time saying: I’m sorry, I’m not available to meet with you for lunch. What is the specific question that you have? I’ll be happy to address it in an upcoming TGtv in case others are curious about my take on it too.

It’s not perfect, but I highly recommend that for you too. If there’s a question that you get often, you may consider writing about it. Create a product, program, post, class if it feels aligned + good and direct people there. (And if you’re the one asking for someone’s time and attention PLEASE MAKE SURE that you have invested YOUR time and attention already on resources they have created for just.this.very.reason). If you want to ask Kate Swoboda for the blueprint to creating a sustainable coaching practice, for instance, I reckon that it would prudent to get your hands on The Coaching Blueprint.

Now…that said (discernment rests in contradictions), the argument is oft-made that if people ask you for the very thing you sell, as in your time, advice, wisdom, then they aren’t valuing you. Could be.  AND can we also hold space for the possibility that it’s not quite so nefarious? That wanting to meet you for a coffee has more to do with wanting to connect at a heart level than wanting to rip you off?

And I also wonder…

Is it possible that this isn’t actually a PROBLEM and that all of this brow-wiping breathlessness is more of a badge of busy-ness than anything else?

In my business and in my life, I don’t see it as an issue. If ever it’s felt like a problem, then it’s only ever been a champagne problem. I am doing something right. People are noticing. And they want some of what I have. Case closed.

We all know that asks are energetic exchanges…it must feel right for both sides of the transaction. We all need to find our own way into this.

And now, a personal request…

If you are feeling inundated with asks, before locking into the “no” position, will you please pause in gratitude for the honour of the request? Will you please pause in celebration for the good work you’ve done to get here? Will you please pause in appreciation of those who gave you their time, energy and attention when you were first starting out? Will you please check your gut and check your schedule? And will you THEN proceed accordingly?

No’s are often required…and that’s completely cool. But I fear the world my daughter will walk in if we are too pinched, gripped, clenched and clamped to consider sharing our abundance of attention, wisdom, gifts and even, yes, time.

Aspire to be useful. Aspire to be generous. Aspire to be kind.

Over the weekend, our daughter decided to set-up a lemonade stand. And, as is her tradition, she wanted to donate the money she made to a charity. Previously, she’s raised money for a cat rescue. This year, she had her sights set on charity: water, an organization bringing clean, safe drinking water to people in developing nations. I heard the founder Scott Harrison speak last year at WDS and brought his story home to my family. My daughter was inspired.

So, we baked chocolate chip cookies and made lemonade, set up the stand and away she went…committed to raising enough money to provide clean water for at least 3 people ($60).

Our strat plan looked a little like this:

Hot day + cute kid + good cause + quality offering = buckets o’ dough

The weather was spotty, so we didn’t see as much foot traffic as we would have liked, but she is pretty damned adorable, and it is an exceptionally good cause so she did manage to raise $70.75. She was pleased.

It was that “quality offering” variable that got my husband thinking later that evening.

Him: I wonder, if we underpriced and undersold the lemonade.
Me: How do you mean?
Him:  I think for $0.50 people are expecting lemonade from frozen concentrate…not hand squeezed lemons sweetened with a simple syrup infused with vanilla beans and sprinkled with garden-fresh mint, y’know?
Me: But that’s just how I do it. That’s just how I make lemonade.
Him: How would anyone who hasn’t met you know that about you, T?
Me: Ah, crap.

Check out the sign.

He’s right. How would anyone know exactly what care, time, attention and, yeah, I’ll say it…LOVE that went into our pitchers of lemonade, that very symbol of summer’s ease?

Indeed.

Time and time again, we undervalue that which we don’t recognize as special. And the clue often lies in our “just”s. Listen for them, then look into them.

What are you downplaying? I’m willing to bet it’s the very thing that people are often thanking you for…like the care, time, attention and love I put into most of my pursuits…lemonade and beyond (though clearly not the aforementioned sign).

I suspect that buried in that dismissive 4-letter word is a linchpin to the wheel of your very essence. All that is wholly, uniquely and wondrously you. Love it up, Love.

My dear friend and the woman I turn to before every product launch (with lemonade being the notable exception) Tara Gentile has this to say::

“Give yourself credit for what differentiates you (or your product) and why that’s important to you. Then consider why what differentiates you is important to others and communicate that value clearly. It doesn’t help to fixate on features or process (or degrees, credentials, portfolio pieces, etc…) but it does pay to know what makes you stand out and why that’s important to the people you seek to be in service of.”

Yeah. In business and in life, tell us about the vanilla beans. Tell us how you do what you do. And why. That’s precisely what makes you and your offerings so entirely delicious to us.

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If you’re not already subscribed to this blog, now’s a good time to do so. You’ll receive my Joy Pages, a heart-full read while you enjoy YOUR kind of lemonade, weekly-ish posts and will find out soonest about a June summer coaching special I’ve got going on. Subscribe here.

Given the choice between snorkelling in a warm and shallow coral reef or deep sea diving in the cold recesses of the ocean floor, I would pick the former.

Given the choice between Clueless and Glengarry Glen Ross I would pick (and have picked) Clueless.

Breathtaking stunning mandarinfish over frightfully grotesque anglerfish. Shoe jubilation over real estate desperation.

I choose bright, warm, playful and accessible most of the time.

But not every time. Of course not every time. There are times when going deeper is, quite simply, the only reasonable way forward.  Not only is deep where fascination resides, but it is the birthplace of real understanding. Where true, lasting and sustainable change becomes not just possible, but certain. It’s not always easy…but it’s ever so worth it. 

Commit to deeper care:: of your body, your relationships and the temple that is your home.

Commit to deeper gratitude:: of everysinglegift you’ve been given. Breathe in the feeling beneath the words you write in your journal as a daily(ish) practice. Reaaally breathe them in. Feel them in your bones. Feel fortune of the life lottery you’ve won. Because, yeah, we’ve won the life lottery.

Commit to deeper compassion:: for the struggles of others.

Commit to deeper understanding:: for your life’s exploration. What do you really, really, REALLY want? What are you yearning for? What still needs to be healed? What beliefs needs to be released? What do you keep avoiding? Yup…all of that. 

Go deep, with the knowledge that you WILL find your way back up to the light. Illuminated from the inside.

And if you are one who resides solely in the deep cool waters, treat yourself from time to time to play in the dappled light of the warm coral reef’s shallows, flitting with the clownfish and tickling the anemone.

Wide is wonderful. Deep is delicious.

It is this AND that.
I am this AND that.
You are too.

With love that is miles wide and fathoms deep,

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PS – I will be blocking off time in my calendar in the coming weeks for summer fun and project planning…if you’d like me to go deep diving with you (and frankly, that is where I do my very best work with others), now’s the time to book.

Big Breaks can make life easier. They feel like ginormous affirmations that we are really on the right path to THERE.

They are universal winks of “I see you Kid…and it is good”.

So of course, we want ‘em. Bad. We yearn for them

The tweet that will change your trajectory.  The windfall of grace at just the right moment.

But have you ever had a Big Break and felt a bit, erm, empty? Like: THAT was what I’ve been waiting for?

Or, have had the Big Break and then felt like you’ve fumbled it. That it was the ONE CHANCE and there will never, ever, EVER be another?

Or, possibly even worse, leveraged the Big Break but then never really allowed yourself to feel good about it…’cause after all: you “just got lucky that one time”, or: you “didn’t really deserve it”. (And THOSE, my friends, are two of the many calling cards of the Impostor Complex.)

Or, waited until the Big Break came…only to never have it show up.

Oh. Did you just feel that in your chest? Me too.

Waiting for the Big Break may break you. It may break your spirit. It may compromise your belief in YOU. Your genius. Your sacred gifts.

Know what’s a much, MUCH saner way?

It’s not sexy, and you’ve heard it before, but here goes:

Commit. Do the work. Get good.

Fairy Godmothers, silver bullets, magic pills, lottery windfalls…listen, I’m not going to tell you that they don’t exist. Because they might. Because they do.

And sure, leave a little white space for magic, serendipity and chance, but waiting for them to show up as part of your strategic planning? Mmmmm, no.

Write. Immerse. Run. Bake. Practice. Teach. Expand. Fail. Sing. Train. Redirect. Preach. Sell. Pitch. Ask. Rehearse. Speak. Draw. Coach. Paint. Bead. Dance. Learn. Deepen.

Again and again and again. Imbue it with your truth, your heart, your integrity and your authenticity.

Practice isn’t about making something perfect; it’s about making something possible. – Justine Musk

And…

…look up from time to time. Take your own breaks. Make your own breaks. Revel in your commitment. Notice how far you’ve come. Breathe in your good. And then get back to it.

You are required to show up. And in that way, the universe DOES see you. And it IS good.

My friend Tara Sophia Mohr has built a gorgeous campfire and has invited hundreds of bloggers to tell their stories in its glow. From May 7-14, 2013, stories will be shared about our grandmothers, and about how grandmothers are changing the world.  She’s bringing attention to Grandmother Power – inspired by the book by Paola Gianturco. Proceeds from the sale of the book go to The Stephen Lewis Foundation Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign.  It’s a beautiful initiative and I hope you’ll join me by the fire with your own telling, or to simply bask in the stories of others. All are welcome.

I had a super fun grandmother. She passed away far, FAR too young. Just like my Mom.

Mildred Jones (née Prentice) was her name and she was a cool drink of water. For six-year-old me, she was an avatar of power, independence and love. She was feisty, fierce, sharp and extremely funny.

I enjoyed the way she embodied her role of Head Matriarch of our family, particularly during holiday meals when she would hold court as she worked the stove. She was Empress-like even as she mashed turnips, hollering at her son-in-laws to bring up the extra bridge tables and chairs (muttering “lily-livered sap-suckers” under her breath if they took too long), and adding salt, salt and more salt to the potatoes. My cousins, sister and I would stay out from under foot, spinning records in the basement and doing the bumps to The Bay City Rollers, coming up juuuust in time to set the table. Invariably, Grandma would help us find the “right” table protector for under the table cloth (there were several), and would throw us a sharp look (with an unmistakable gleam in her eye) demanding to know why singers of the day were so unimaginative and overused the word “baby”.

“Why do they have to say bay-BAYYYYYYYY all the time?”

It was clear, crystal clear, that it was her joy to have everyone around. I remember her contented smile as surveyed her flock around the table as we helped ourselves to yet another serving of her sublime trifle.

I also have vivid memories of summers up in Wymbolwood. Days were far more more fun when Grandma was there. Things were livelier, brighter and shinier. That’s how I remember it. This picture was taken only a couple of months before she passed away.

My fondest memories, however, were of Wednesday nights when my sister and I would traditionally sleep over at her house. In the evening, we would heatedly debate dinner options: would we “dine out” (usually at “The Chicken Palace,” aka Swiss Chalet) and NOT have dessert OR would we “dine in” but get to have one of her incredible sundaes (in the old school glasses with the WORKS: nuts, aerosol whipped cream, fudge sauce, maraschinos). This would keep us all occupied for some time and the decision was moot…both options were a treat with her. She also had an exceptionally hot orange muscle car (okay, Plymouth) and an apparent need for speed that made any outing fun.

Getting tucked in by her was delicious…because it was quiet and sweet. She would sing the same song she sung to my mother, who sang it to me, who sings it to my girl, who sings it to her Bear.

In spite of that tenderness that makes me catch my breath even as I commit it to screen, the highlight of the sleepover invariably occurred in the morning: with an Old Hollywood affectation, she would approach her closet, fling open the doors with great flourish to reveal an impressive collection of polyester pantsuits in a rainbow of colours. She would intone most theatrically: “which one of my glooooooorious creations shall I wear today?” I would squeal with delight and help her decide between kelly green or fuchsia…my two favourites.

A couple of years after my grandfather Charlie passed away, Grandma took in a series of boarders to help pay the bills. This was the late 70s so most men had long-ish hair and full beards so I always felt a little intimidated by them. But it was clear that they were intimidated by her, this sharp-eyed Queen in her polyester pantsuit with language as salty as her potatoes (while she didn’t swear often, when she did, she got it all out in one fell swoop: “shitandgoddamnedittohell!”) They very happily trimmed her roses and cleaned her gutters. And she very happily baked them pies.

It’s not surprising that I remember my grandmother from the lens of what I admire: humour, strength, love, independence. I cherish the few memories I have and hold the few lessons I have gleaned close:

• say what’s on your mind and never be afraid of a good debate;
• commit to the sundae;
• set the table with reverence;
• fling a Frisbee with abandon;
• potatoes are just better with salt;
• fun is an choice…make it; and,
• above all, family.

I know my sister and cousins have their own memories and learnings, mitigated by their experience with her through their respective lenses. I can’t help but wonder how she WANTED to be remembered. What legacy of wisdom did she WISH to bequeath us? If there was ONE THING she wanted for us to carry forward, what would it have been?

Who really knows.

Today is my mother’s (Mildred’s daughter, Brenda) birthday. It saddens me to know that my daughter will have no real memories of her maternal grandmother*, as she was only eight-months-old when Mom died. But she will have a patina of recollection fed by my stories of how perfectly my mother embodied Mildred the Instigator and Charlie the Pacifist. She will know her lineage. She will feel my mother and she will feel Mildred. She will know their stories. Most specifically, I believe she will carry this jewel of wisdom and heart throughout her days.

Yes, wisdom is a legacy.

I read somewhere recently: You won’t be remembered—I won’t be either. That’s where the freedom lies.

Feels true. 

And so, I invite you to consider, whether you are in a position to be a grandparent or not: what ONE piece of wisdom would you string along the chain of ancestral wisdom that is the human collective? If you had but one bead, what would yours read?

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* – Our daughter is blessed to have her beloved paternal grandmother in living colour…a woman whom she adores (as do I).

Ever since November 2012, I knew that there would be a moment that my TEDxWomen talk would be available for all to see. And that I’d need to find a way to share it with my corner of the world. That is, YOU. I’d love to say that I was excited, but the reality is, I’ve been a little, well…nervous.

I mean, I KNEW I’d be proud of it…I spent weeks (and weeks) preparing, researching, training, practicing, finessing and getting it under the requisite 18 minutes. And I KNEW the content would be good…I know the Impostor Complex like the back of my hand.

But asking everyone, YOU, to go check out my TEDxWomen talk is just…so…selfish, right?

Me, me, me, me, me.

I’ve started and stopped this very post about 15 times. Each time I approached with this question:: “what huge, massive, COLOSSAL value can I bring to my readers AND STILL let them know that my talk is available for viewing?”…as though the two were mutually exclusive.

So I’m about to take a leap of faith. The huge value of this post IS my talk.

Whoa. Whoa. Whooooooooa.

That seriously just kind of took my breath away. The sheer audacity.

But there it is.

My friends, I know A LOT about the Impostor Complex. So much so, that I am indeed becoming an Authority on the topic.

I’m claiming that.

In my perfectly imperfect talk, I’ve outlined a process that moves us from feeling like an Impostor to feeling like an Authority. I use it with my coaching clients, and in my own life. It’s also the backbone of my Step into Your Starring Role program.

If you ever, EVER struggle with the Impostor Complex, then you WILL get value from watching this talk…because I wrote the talk for you.

And now, I leave it in your loving hands, and will go and celebrate (an ever-important step in the process, you’ll see) by busting my Kid out of after-school care early for an ice cream cone.

Because

I did it. I really, really did it.

And if you want to do it too, you can and will too. ”How do you begin? The answer is simple: you decide to.”  - Anne Lamott

And maybe, just maybe this will guide you::

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Update::

She had the Moose Tracks, I had the Burgundy Cherry.

Full confession:: up until very recently, I had very (VERY) little patience for “self love”. Now before you call the ICF and have them revoke my hard-earned coaching certification status, hear me out.

“Self love” has always conjured images of shushed tones, whale music, wheat germ, and insipid teas. For ME. I’m not entirely sure where that came from, but I knew there was nothing here that was overtly appealing. Except for how virtuous I imagined I’d feel after spending a day eating wheat germ, drinking tea, listening to whale music and zoning out. That is, if I managed to not stab myself in the eyeballs before the day was through.

I totally, completely, respectfully GOT that those may well be practices that nurtured and supported others, but they were unequivocally NOT. FOR. ME.

So, I set out to understand the principle that I could inherently wrap my head around:: the kinder you are with yourself, the kinder you are with the world around you. And then I got all investigative reporter-like about self love means, FOR ME.

Because I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:: we all need to find our own way into this.

And  I started to dig in deeply to understand my values.
And then I started to ask myself what I needed, then wanted.
And then I started to listen to the answer.
And then I started to respond with intention and commitment.

My self love practice is a daily inquiry:: What do I need today? What do I want today?

The Monday morning after I wrapped up the first cohort of my Step into Your Starring Role program, I was uncharacteristically tired, a little sad, wistful and scattered. The plan that I had mapped out on the previous Friday afternoon for the week ahead looked foreign, fraught with “shoulds” and completely uninspired.

What do I need today? What do I want today?

Sweat, prayer and play was the answer. And continued to be the answer for the balance of the week.

I switched some appointments around and spent the week at hot yoga, or immersed in my journal, or baking cakes or stuffing loot bags for my Kid’s birthday party. Joyfully and gratefully accepting the lavish and extravagant love that I was showing myself.

And I must say, when I am loving up on myself, I am pretty awesome to be around.

The Self Love Revolution: Prep School

So that, in part, is how I devotionally show myself love. By committing to asking, listening and responding. That’s MY WAY.

Amy Smith + Andrew Owen are two powerhouse coaches devoted to helping you find YOUR WAY into self love. (This I know…I was in a Mastermind group with them a couple of years ago and I continue to benefit from their brand of no BS, love-fueled moxy). And I’m thrilled that they’ve invited me to participate in their love-child,  The Self Love Revolution: Prep School,  along with experts Susan Hyatt, Fabeku Fatunmise, Michelle Ward, Molly Mahar, Mara Glatzel, Isabel Foxen Duke, Jeanna Gabelinni, Lisa Steadman, and Amy Pearson. For two weeks, starting May 6^th, you can get a short, content-packed video into your inbox every day. Practical tools, advice and tools to help you show YOU some love. Gorgeous.

If you haven’t already, click here to sign yourself up. My video about finding your Brand of Joy will land in your inbox on May 14th. Hope you love it!

I’ve come across the new Dove ad: Real Beauty Sketches a number of times over the last couple of days. And that’s good.

Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful.

Watch it and see if this video changes the way that you think and feel about your own beauty….

Yes. You are more beautiful than you think.

That’s true.

Also true::

You are more creative than you think.

You are more powerful than you think.

You are more resourceful than you think.

You are more important than you think.

You are more intelligent than you think.

You are more extraordinary than you think.

You are more desired than you think.

You are more polished than you think.

You are more capable than you think.

You are more loved than you think.

You are more loving than you think.

You are more ready than you think.

You are MORE than you think.

The common denominator here is what you think.

Dare to believe others when they reflect back your radiance, beauty, wonder and shine.

Dare to believe me.

Love,

Dearest L –

Today is your 9^th birthday. It seems impossible, and yet, here it is. But still, impossible.

And yet…

Last year, I showered you with wishes. I continue to keep them alive and well in my heart, Angel-Child. This year, I want to offer you a well of inspiration.

Oh, I don’t suspect you’ll need to sip from here any time too soon, it’s a well I share with my grown-up clients. But your Daddy and I can already see the glimmer in your eye. You’re starting to feel the call of adventure. This is good. Where will your beautifully strong legs, mind and heart take you? We can only imagine (and we do).

And when you DO find the road dusty and long, take a rest and drink from this well. Hope, courage, comfort, wisdom, and wonder are found here, and I drink from it often. I’ll admit that sometimes I don’t  exactly understand what I’m drinking or why I seem to need it…and that may be true for you too.

Take what you need.

81 quotes are from some people you know and some people you don’t know.

9 quotes are from you. Yes, you. Much like the other great minds and hearts in this gathering, you continue to inspire, astound and buoy me.

1. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. 

- Buddha

2. Life in itself is an empty canvas; it becomes whatsoever you paint on it. You can paint misery, you can paint bliss. This freedom is your glory. – Osho

3. You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t. – Dr. Seuss

4. Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, love is knowing I am everything,
 and between the two my life moves. ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

5. Don’t postpone joy. – Brenda Geisler

6. If you tell a true story, you can’t be wrong.
 – Jack Kerouac

7. You are in the perfect position to get there from here.
 – Abraham-Hicks

8. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through. – Ira Glass

9. We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be. – Anne Lamott

10. In the end, we are our choices. We are also the luck we never choose. – Ellen DeGeneres

11. What I think is that a good life is one hero journey after another. Over and over again, you are called to the realm of adventure, you are called to new horizons. Each time, there is the same problem: do I dare? And then if you do dare, the dangers are there, and the help also, and the fulfillment or the fiasco. There’s always the possibility of a fiasco. But there’s also the possibility of bliss. – Joseph Campbell

12. You can’t be a complete person without having to wrestle with your own demons – and, for that matter, with your own angel. - H.S. Kushner

13.Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it. – C. JoyBell C.

14. If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s. – Joseph Campbell

15. The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reels – Steven Furtick

16. When you find yourself in a new situation, a new circumstance, a new life experience, everything that requires healing is going to rush to the surface, and if you don’t take a minute to breath, to gather yourself, to pray, you will do what you’ve always done. So you’ve got to be clear enough, grounded enough, centered enough to say how am I going to handle it this time? The lesson is pause.- Iyanla Vanzant

17. Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired. 

- Martha Graham

18.Grace is the key to happiness. When bad things happen, if we have confidence in grace, then we can remain grounded in that and not be overwhelmed by the soap opera of life. And grace is a circular blessing. The more grace enters your life, the more grateful you are. The more grateful you are, the more easily grace seems to enter. – Dharmavidya David Brazier

19. When I say be creative, I don’t mean you should all go and 
become great painters and great poets. I simply mean let
 your life be a painting, let your life be a poem.
 – Osho

20. See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness. 

- Eckhart Tolle

21. Right now, and in every now-moment, you are either closing or opening. You are either stressfully waiting for something – more money, security, affection – or you are living from your deep heart, opening as the entire moment, and giving what you most deeply desire to give, without waiting. 

- David Deida

22. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn’t it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you. 

- Carlos Castaneda

23.We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world. The influence of a vital person vitalizes. 

- Joseph Campbell

24. Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish. If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself- if you are not capable of taking care of yourself, of nourishing yourself, of protecting yourself- it is very difficult to take care of another person. In the Buddhist teaching, it’s clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people. Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice. 

- Thich Nhat Hanh

25. Be the kind of person you would like to be with. Some people come into our lives, make footprints on our hearts and we are never the same. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. 

- Joseph F. Newton

26. ‎We’re all just walking each other home. – Ram Dass

27. Be excellent to each other. – Bill + Ted

28.A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action 
presupposes a goal that is worth achieving.
—Ayn Rand

29. If you want to see the brave, look at those who can forgive. – Bhagavad Gita

30.It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. – Oriah Mountain Dreamer

31.Just because things can be challenging, doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. – Bridget Pilloud

32.Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao Tzu

33. He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize. – Oscar Wilde

34.It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don’t. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever. – Philip Adams

35.Persistent people begin their success where others end in failure. – Edward Eggleston

36.

Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so. – Belva Davis

37.I will not hide my tastes or aversions. 
I will so trust that what is deep is holy.
 – Ralph Waldo Emerson

38. All suffering results from believing we are who we think we are. – Nigaradatta Maharahi

39.Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. – Eleanor Roosevelt

40. The final proof of greatness lies in being able to endure criticism without resentment.  – Elbert Hubbard

41. Self-actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others.- Wayne Dyer

42. Always go with the choice that scares you the most, because that’s the one that is going to require the most from you. 

- Caroline Myss

43.Choice is the engine of our evolution. -  Gary Zukav

44. The things that we love tell us what we are. – St Thomas Aquinas

45. Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards. When people ask me what really changed my life eight years ago, I tell them that absolutely the most important thing was changing what I demanded of myself. I wrote down all the things I would no longer accept in my life, all the things I would no longer tolerate, and all the things that I aspired to becoming. 

- Tony Robbins

46. Everything matters. Nothing’s important.
—Nietzsche

47. When you have come to the edge of all the light you have
And step into the darkness of the unknown
Believe that one of the two will happen to you
Either you’ll find something solid to stand on
Or you’ll be taught how to fly!  – Richard Bach

48.Who you are will always trump who you think people want you to be. – Brené Brown

49. Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

50. To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.-  Oscar Wilde

51. Challenges come so we can grow and be prepared for things we are not equipped to handle now. When we face our challenges with faith, prepared to learn, willing to make changes, and if necessary, to let go, we are demanding our power be turned on. – Iyanla Vanzant

52. What you seek is seeking you.
 – Rumi

53.Set a goal, and in small, consistent steps, work to reach it. Get support 
from your peers when you start flagging. Repeat.
 You will change.
—Seth Godin

54. Perfection is the enemy of done. – SARK

55. The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. The most you can do is live inside that hope, running down its hallways, touching the walls on both sides. – Barbara Kingsolver

56. But if you never try you never know, just what you’re worth. – Coldplay

57. You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem + smarter than you think. – AA Milne

58.Know the rules before you break the rules  – Danielle LaPorte

59. When people show you who they are, believe them. – Maya Angelou

60. Most miracles, like everything else, are firmly rooted in who we are. -Iris Sangiuliano

61. Awakeness is found in our pleasure and our pain, our confusion and our wisdom, available in each moment of our weird, unfathomable ordinary everyday lives. – Pema Chödrön

62. The sage, because he confronts his problems directly, never has any. – Lao Tzu

63.The only way to grow is to launch, to initiate and to make a ruckus  – Seth Godin

64. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself. – Krishnamurti

65. Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. – Shel Silverstein

66. All is flux, nothing stays still. – Heraclitus

67. Vulnerability is not weakness….vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage – Brené Brown

68.Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain

69. The day you let go is the day you’re forgiven. – Michael Franti

70. If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? - Rumi

71. To be great, be whole;
Exclude nothing, exaggerate nothing that is not you.
Be whole in everything. Put all you are
Into the smallest thing you do.
The whole moon gleams in every pool. - Fernando Pessoa

72. I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day. – James Joyce

73.The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven. – John Milton

74. It’s all relative. – Richard Geisler

75. Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there – Will Rogers

76. Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they’re yours. – Richard Bach

77. Never forget your real identity. You are a luminous conscious stardust being forged in the crucible of cosmic fire. – Deepak Chopra

Or, stated even more succinctly::

78.We are all made of stars. – Danielle LaPorte

79.  Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. – Lao Tzu

80.The more visionary the idea, the more people it leaves behind. – DeLillo

81.All holiness is about learning to hear the voice of your own soul. – John O’Donohue

9 from you, wise + wonderful you

1. On compassion:: Give everyone and everything a chance. (May 16, 2009)
2. On appreciation:: There is music and colour in everything. Isn’t it wonderful? (June 20, 2011)
3. On art appreciation:: Jackson Pollock’s painting reminds me of what’s in my heart. (Jan 4^th, 2011)
4. On beauty:: Mama even if you DON’T look beautiful on the outside, you still look it on the inside. (Jan 27^th 2011) {Best…backhanded…compliment…EVER.}
5. On birthday wishes:: On your 7^th birthday in Disney World, Cinderalla asked you what your birthday wish was. You answered: “for the whole world to be healthy and happy.” (April 12, 2011) {The rest of the evening included various Grand Floridian staff members telling you how happy and healthy they are.}
6. On complicated relationships with teachers:: Well, she gets annoyed with the kids, then I get annoyed with her and then she gets annoyed with me. It’s kinda classic. (March 10, 2010)
7. On brain-twisters:: Today’s opposite day. What’s the opposite of today? Tomorrow or yesterday? (June 17, 2011)
8. On looking good:: You’ll look good if you have a good heart, feel good about who you are, wear what YOU want (no matter what anyone else thinks), and makeup. (March 22, 2012) Miles to go, but it’s a start.
9. On now:: Don’t be sad. We have now. (January 18^th, 2011) {We were reading Charlotte’s Web and I was choked up when Fern heads off to the fair by herself for the first time knowing how quickly that time will come.}

Yes. We have now.

Thank you for always reminding us to be right here, right now. You make us not want to miss one blessed second. Happy Birthday, Beautiful Heart. 

One final one::

And the wonder
of it all
is that you just don’t realize
how much I love you. – Eric Clapton

You know that corner around which Spring always seems to be hiding? We’ve finally turned it. Hallelujah and glory be. We’ve turned it.

The first sign of spring ISN’T just the robins pecking at the barely thawed ground, but rather kids whooping it up joyfully on their bikes, winding their way around the enduring gray snow patches.

And every year, like all other parents, my husband and I spend the first couple of bike rides hollering reminders to our daughter of all that she forgot about bike-riding and bike safety.

She listens with barely-contained impatience. While she knows better than to “Mooo-oooom” me, I know she cannot wait until my back is turned to let go. To ride like the wind, every bump an affirmation of the daredevil inside. Some anthemic crescendo blaring in her head…feeling her own freedom.

Bliss.

But alas, there I am. Insisting that she not just practice the straightaways, but also her turning. Her signaling. Her stopping.

Boo.

You see, she has already mastered the straightaways. She’s got it down pat. It feels good to do what you’re good at, to be sure. But those aren’t the muscles that need stretching.

It’s nailing the corners that will make her masterful (and keep her safe).

The same, of course, is true for us all.

Straightaways are grand. Open roads, no traffic, the wind in our hair. Nothing but spaaaaaaaaace to write and create. Feeling our own freedom.

Bliss.

But that’s not life, now, is it? There are always twists, turns, and blind corners. That’s okay—you anticipated them on the road to There. It’s your path, your process, your growth and your evolution.

In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell speaks of the 10,000 hours required to become a world-class expert in anything. I say it’s 10,000 choices.

How you choose to navigate those turns is what will make every bit of difference here. When someone else’s needs rise up in front of your work, which way will you choose to turn? How will you choose to take the corners? Full speed or slowly and methodically?

Enjoy the straightaways, but master the corners.

++++++++

Hey SEAAAAATTLE???!

Will you join me and my masterful friend and colleague Tara Gentile for an evening of Leaning into the Corners on April 18^th?