Beautiful Feathers
As a young girl, my appetite for princess stories was voracious. The singing, the woodland creatures, the ball gowns, the conquering of evil, the comeuppance, and, of course, the happily ever after. But before any happily-ever-after could be requited, the narrative arc needed to be crested, and the villain’s main motive was always the same: jealousy.
The evil stepmother. The ugly stepsisters. Ursula. Maleficent. The Queen. Each woman more jealous than the last. Covetous of our heroine’s unparalleled beauty, kindness, capacity to love and be loved, resilience and charm, they were cruel and vicious towards her.
When I was teased in grade school, my beloved Mama would soothe my brow with assurances that those other girls were “just jealous.” In my mother’s eye, I was that princess of unparalleled beauty, kindness, capacity to love and be loved, resilience and charm. “Stay away from them” was the directive. And a subtle distrust of other girls was born.
It ebbed and flowed over the years, to be sure. True and enduring 2 am call friendships would become forged that weren’t fraught with jealousy and tension. But a deep-rooted belief existed that somewhere lurked a woman (women?), jealous of me and my gifts who wanted nothing more than to peck my eyes out with her talons.
“Staying away” came to mean:
Keep your head down.
Don’t shine too brightly (you may become a target).
Don’t ask for help (scavengers will feast on your weakness).
Over time, this got pretty stale. As I started to become awake to my purpose on this sweet orb called earth, I knew there was another way. In fact, MANY other ways, and none that required me to keep to my small, safe and quiet path.
If I was to fully step into my purpose (and really…you don’t say “no” to your purpose), there was no way I’d be able to hold it alone.
I would need to trust in others.
I would need to ask for help.
I would need to shine brighter.
So I did.
And who showed up? Not a single vicious predator, but rather flocks and flocks of beautiful soul sisters. Mentors. Colleagues. More 2 am friends. Co-working partners. Genius collaborators.
And the more I showed up, the more they showed up.
Parliaments of owls, wise and insightful. Exaltations of larks, cheerful and self-aware. Convocations of eagles, spiritual and courageous. Bouquets of pheasants, noble and refined. Charms of magpies, creative and expressive.
Ah. Yes. This is the way for me.
Image credit: Hannah Marcotti
In these flocks, I have found divine inspiration, guidance and solace. In these flocks, we gather and preen each others’ beautiful feathers. To the observer, this may seem an act of vanity. In fact, in this act of preening, we are bonding, insulating each other, helping one another to fly more efficiently, keeping each other healthier AND more beautiful. And once our feathers are neatly ordered and in place, we are ready to fly…often in formation to help conserve energy for maximum velocity.
It is my later-in-life belief that we need each other to love, to hold, to cherish, to champion, to challenge, to connect and to conspire.
Lean in.
- Dare to ask for help. It makes you neither needy nor dilutes your value of independence.
- Dare to see the brilliance in another’s feathers. Allow them to reflect back the brilliance of yours.
- Know that your success inspires their success. Your wins make their wins possible.
I intend to send this post to the women in my life who have taken my 2 am call. Have sent “what do you need” texts. Have listened with their full heart. Have held space for my fears and tears. Have helped me in my business with their promotional power. Have seen the beauty in my feathers and have preened them with me.
I will say to them, as I say to you:
Thank you for being in my flock. For having me here. For being here.
Will you do the same?
Yes, this. Yes, you. Yes, to women who love us, see us more clearly than we can ourselves, and still love us! You are one of those for me, my friend.
I feel like I live in an extremely well feathered nest. Luscious friendships with beautiful souls. And right now I am looking at the feathers that you added to my nest . Love you.
oh feather friend! so beautiful and so true. I wish this for my daughter – not happening yet. How can girls/young women learn this?
The quick n’ pat answer is: lead by example. And given what a powerful model YOU are for the importance of circles of love, there’s clearly another (100?) layer(s). Let’s keep the inquiry going…this is critical stuff for our girls.
Much love to you, my friend. Grateful for you.
This was pretty damn similar to my journey. Thanks for sharing, lovely. Truly. I’m sure I’ll watch my daughter struggle with the same things when she gets older — determined to keep the dialogue open, just as you do with L.
And always, always will love you and your feathers just the way they are. <3 xo
This is so beautifully stated, Tanya. I truly love this! Thank you so much for sharing.
Pure beauty + grace + honesty = Tanya
Beautiful Feathers = a beautiful metaphor and analogy for describing your flock. It’s such a gift to be flying with you Tanya. Thank you for the warm wind you are, beneath your tribe’s wings.
Great post, and it synchronizes with what I’ve been thinking about this morning. Thanks Tanya.
As always, Divinely stated, beautiful feathered You!
I love this post. Your honesty and insightful self is, as always, a breath of the freshest air. It would seem we have even more in common than I realized. Here’s to the TALL POPPY in all of us.
xo
Such a beautiful and inspiring post! I am seeking those relationships you describe. Thank you for writing these words.
Tears in my eyes and a smile on my face. So. much. gratitude. I especially love the image of co-preening … this is how we send ourselves and each other out into the world, isn’t it. Plumped up from the inside with love. oxxoxo
Tanya,
What a beautiful metaphor of flocks of birds. I am going to send your wonderful post to the many women in my life who have been there and helped preen my feathers.
You are helping mr soar!
flapping wings xoxo
I see the brilliance in your feathers my friend. Feeling so connected to every word you shared here.
love,
Jac
This has been my experience, too. When I opened up and let myself out honestly and without expectation, it was amazing who showed up to be with me. Not that every experience has been solely wonderful, but the good of it has SO far outweighed the bad. My faith has been restored.
so stunning. love you, brave princess.
You make me smile. You make me cry.
And you inspire me.
What an honour to have so many, ahem, fine feathered friends alight upon this nest. Thank you for being here. And as above, for showing up. Love love love,
TG
Thank you SO MUCH for this post. It was just what I needed. Heart. Broken. Open.
I LOVE that it found you when it needed to. xo
What a lovely, well-written post. I really, REALLY needed to hear this today. Thank you.